Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid

I hate more than anything, people that are just a waste of protoplasm. That do nothing but try and fake their way outta trouble, wasting my time, my police officers' time by totally refusing to talk, walk or anything else thinking "Well they won't arrest me if I'm hurt" I am here to tell you fucking bullshit. They will still fucking arrest you, you gun-toting, drug-selling, crack-smoking jackass. Here are my rules, they are very simple

1. When I ask you your name, don't ignore me or pretend to be "Unconscious" I know you can talk. You were just in a foot persuit with the police officer. You can't run if you are "unconscious"

2. When I ask you if you have been using any sort of illict drugs, I'm not asking for my health, Im asking you for yours. Don't fucking lie to me. I know what crack smells like and I know that when you heart rate is fucking 200, you have been doing something. I may look like this innocent little chick medic, but I have been doing emergency medicine for a few years. I have seen alot.

3. Don't fake ANYTHING. That is including but not limited to seizures, head injury, SOB, CP, or death. I have ways of finding out that your faking it. And I will let the hospital of choice know that you are basicly being a douchbag.

4. SHow me the respect you would show your mother. Don't spit, hit, cuss at, or kick me.

I have fucking compassion. But when you try and play me a happy medic I will not be. And ask any one, you don't want a pissed off medic taking care of you. Yes, I will treat you. Yes, I will be patient. But don't think I won't use the largest IV needle I got and I have no hang-ups in restraining your ass.


Sunnie said...

Oh I love the last sentence!
I make it a point to be nice to anyone trying to help me. Especially EMTs as I absolutely HATE needles.

Anonymous said...

TV alters reality...That is the only explanation I have for people thinking they can fake unconsciousness and I won't know. Same goes for seizures and dyspnea. Nasopharyngeal or oralpharyngeal airways have an interesting effect on the "psuedo-unconscious" patient. We like to refer to noxious, invasive procedures as being both theraputic AND diagnostic.


Christopher said...

Hehe. I've seen an NPA used to 'wake' someone who refused to stop faking their unconsciousness. Some can actually withstand the sternum rub.

brit para said...

Maybe not a safe idea to tell them to treat you the same way they treat their mothers...
you'll CERTAINLY have bad things happen to you then

painter in hiding said...


Anonymous said...

Brit: LOL!

painter in hiding said...

Christopher...I had this one chick stay "Unreposive" through NPAs, Sternal rubs, every damn trick we have . I threw the book at her...and nothing...she quite frankly just pissed me off.

Stacey said...

Haha I am glad that I am not the only one who has used an NPA as a diagnostic tool. We had this frequent flier who loved to fake seizures/unconsciousness. She would fake a seizure and during the "seizure" she kept hitting me. I was getting really pissed and she refused to stop. So after the "seizure" she pretended to be unconscious and wouldnt respond to the sternal rub.
I got the NPA half way in before she started freaking out. It was awesome.
Oh and she hasn't called the ambulance since.