Thursday, November 27, 2008

Well I have decised to go back to school. These past few weeks at work have made me rethinking paramedicine and the reason I'm in it. The cincher was after I got moved out of a district I love, away from a partner I get along with, and am not longer under the supervison of Supervisors that have grown to trust me. And they did it at the holidays, which has me working on every holiday but Thanksgiving day. I had my whole holidays planned. But because I am single with no kids, the holidays apparently mean nothing to me. The move was caused by something that didn't even involve me either. This among many other things have been leading me to this conclusion of going back to school to finish my BFA in photography. This job has gone away from Emergency Medicine and has turned into a "let us hold your hand and sing fucking Kumbaya" with the so called sick and dying. I am now forced to be nice. If I don't coddle my patients I may get a complaint and then I'm called into the principle's office for an ass chewing. Now I am normally kind to my patients, but then I have a patient throw a stack of Medicaid cards at my feet telling me "If you want it, you can pick it up and find it" I have a hard time biting my tounge and continuting to play nice. It's the ones that demand respect, but refuse to give it to me that piss me off. They feel that I am there to service them, not care for them. They talk down to me. That I am below them on the social ladders. So to them I say "I am here to save your ass, not kiss it"

I have grown tired of this. I am burned out and all thats left is a broken medic with a broken spirit. So When I walked into Art School, I could feel the energy in the halls. The creativity came back. I walkedd the halls of that place and I felt alive again, amoung the creative misfits. I had forgotton that feeling. I used to get it getting on the ambulance and running the lights. Not anymore, so I now think my lifespan as a medic is coming to an end. Art is calling me home. So now, a year shy of 30. I am going back to school. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Today's horoscope

I'm not one to put a whole lot of thought into horoscopes, but this was mine for today

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
11/13/2008
You may not be willing to accept the advice of someone else today if you don't think that he or she has enough information to form a clear opinion. It seems to you that others are willing to oversimplify the situation for the sake of expediency while you would rather delve into the complexity, even if you can't decide what to do. Be patient; solutions will continue to surface over the days ahead.

I'm dealing with a problem at work right now that I don't really have a solution for. Well, I do...but it includes explitive ladden phone call and a possible day off without pay. Not really a solution. I want a REAL answer. A fix. So I shall be patient. Let some of the feelings settle. Form actual thoughts, and maybe get something done

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Lesson learned

So I along with most of America voted yesterday. I am not stating here on my blog who I did or did not vote, nor my veiws on, well anything, as this is not a political blog. If you want that go read Slate or something. I am just a paramedic and this is my blog. So Back to my adventures in voting. I had just got off work, after working all night. I didn't even go home to change out of my uniform. My back hurt from lifting patients up off the floor. I had been puked on and had just gotten off the phone with the coroner 20 mins prior. (I had a woke-up dead) I was tired. I was ready to just go to bed. But I am an American, and this is just something I had to do. So I drive to my voting place ( a local Elementary school) and the parking lot was packed. I had to park a few blocks away in someones front yard. I walk in and get into the line. I'm there for an hour. I'm playing a game on my iPhone, listening to music. Blurring out the maddness, the bitching about the lines, the politcal bickering. I'm in my own world. until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I pull the ear buds out of my ears just in time to hear "She's done caught herself a seizure!"

Sure enough, next to my, across the hall, an elderly woman had passed out in line. Her neice thought she had a seizure. So I go over, and see if I could be an assistance. (I'm still in uniform, remember) The woman was out cold for a few seconds but was coming back around by the time i got down on the floor to her level. Someone screaming about Seizures and "Sugar". I block them out for a minute
"You Okay?"
"Yes. I think so."
You hurting anywhere?"
"No."
"You have Sugar?"
"No, but I didn't eat breakfast."
"Well you fell out, Sit here for a second, Whats your name and how old are you?" She told me and I called my dispatchers. As I'm doing that I get pushed out of the way by some woman screaming about "Is there a doctor in the house!" and "Does any one have a BGL machine" I get off the phone. And in my head...Who is this woman ( she never idenified herself as any sort of medical person) and what the fuck, Lady, you are in an ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, who do you think has a freaking BGL machine? I lean back down and continue speaking with my now patient. and this woman continues to yell. "she has no radial pulses!. She severaly hypotensive!" she has no radials" Good Greif. "Mrs. M? do you think If I get some helf you can make it over to that bench so we can get you up off this floor?" She said "I can, I'm just a little weak"
"Well lets get you up."
Screaming lady-"You can't get her up she has no radial pulse she will pass out again, she is severly hypotensive"
Me-"Then we will deal with that, But I would like to get her up off the dirty floor, out of the crowd. I already called an ambulance. I work for EMS."
Screaming lady-"Well I ..." and she walked off. well damn if I knew it was that easy I would have said that 10 mins ago. I got some help to get her up and we when to sit down. We got her taken care of. She got to vote. When I went back in I had lost my place in line. I stood there for a second, contemplating what to do. The people running the polls were no help. I didn't want to get back in line a wait 4 more hours, but I still wanted to vote. It wasn;t until a young woman about my age holding a 6 month old infant said "You missed the riot".
"Did I? was there Bloodshed, I hate it when I miss bloodshed."
"Na, you helped that woman?"
"Yep, and now I've lost my place in line"
"Here jump in front of me, you were here at least as long as I have if not longer I saw you." Now she had been holding this kid for god knows how long
"I can't do that, you have you son with you and have been waiting too."
"Don't worry about it, jump in."
So I did. We talked for a few minutes and her little one kept babbling at me and pulling at my hair. I asked her if he would let me hold him. Since she let my cut the line. I held the little one for a while. we had a very deep conversation about the economy ( a little one sided) and health care. Then he napped on my shoulder. Mom and I chatted with the others in line. The rest of the voting was uneventful. No more falling out or seizures.

So I voted. My patient voted. And I learned not to wear my uniform to the voting booth if you have been up all night.