Saturday, July 30, 2005

I am very excited now. After a year and a half I will be able to get back in a darkroom and developed my own photographs. Oh how i've have missed it. It's such an instant gradification artform. You go into a darkroom... expose a white peice of paper to light and then put this white paper in clear chemicals and viola!...image. I forgot how calming it is in the dark with nothing but you and your own creativity.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

beetles, bugs and albino skinks

Worked yesterday. Did nothing really but avoid the heat and the myrid of incsects that live in and around our station. In the ghetto all you have to look out for are "palmetto bugs" or known by everyone esle in the US, roaches, and keep them from crawling in your airway bag. (Southerners like to give pretty names to some nasty stuff.) But out in the marshlands where I am working now there are all kinds of buzzing, chirping, flying six legged creatures all over the place. Bugs I have never even seen bfore. I found a very large irridencent beetle under the desk in the office and whn I accidently disturbed it from its slumber it came alive and chased me around the station for a good 5 minutes. I also had a run-in with what I later discovered was an Albino Skink after going out into the bays and there was a 6 inch pink slithery thing with alligator legs curled up in the wheel rim of the ambulance. I screamed so loud that the sheriff deputies that were sitting next door came over with their tasers drawn, to make sure nobody was tring to kill me. My partner thought the whole incident was hilarious. Can you tase a skink? The thing scampered away before we could find out. I think they thought I was nuts. When I tried to explain what I saw to one of the deputies, he said "You just described a 6 inch penis with legs"...Well thats what it looked like.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Whole hell of a lot of stupid

I spent my overtime shift today dealing with stupid. A whole hell of a lot of stupid. It happens I guess, like the 30 y/o that the coast guard had to rescue because he was messing with some pipe on his boat causing it to explode hot steam all over his chest and abdomen. Second degree burns, however simple can still be very painful. On the short ride to the Trauma Center ( the USCG station is across the street from the hospital) he looked at me and asked "Why does it burn so much?"....Well genius, because you exposed your tender skin of your abdomen to a pipe bursting with scaling hot gas, that just my guess. But instead I calmly explained that burns hurt and that there was very good pain medications at the hospital, to which he replied "The hospital? I'm okay, why am I going to the hospital?"
" Because you lost consciousness and you have a large burn across your torso. That's why."
"Oh okay" but I'm okay, why am I going to the hospital"
"because you lost consciousness and have a large burn across your torso and you keep asking me the same questions."
"but I'm okay..." And round and round we go for the entire 5 minutes I had him in my care.
"Can I have Diagnosis for 200 Alex?"
Oh Oh...I know the answer. "What is closed head injury exacerbated by ETOH?"

Then there was the 21 y/o with an attitude. Hey buddy it's not my fault you layed your bike down going 80 and now have 50% less skin in your arms and legs. You should have been wearing long pants. At least he was smart enough to wear a helmet. But don't give me attitude when all I'm trying to do is make you as comfortable as possible. Also don't be stupid and refuse to let us start an IV so the hospital is able to give you Morphine while they clean your wounds. You don't know what pain is until you have had road rash irrigated and cleaned with a scrub brush. That's not bravery, its asinine.

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Welcome to my new world

So I've been moved again. Out to the country. I have left the grimy ghetto to the southern marshlands. Clean air and a lot of fucking bugs. I got attacked by a swarm of moths on arrival to the station. There were like hundreds of them. And they fluttered all around me while I unloaded all my crap outta my car. I've now been told I am to work 24 hours and I had to basically had to move in. I had three bags of full of extra uniforms, shoes, books and $179 dollars worth o' stuff from the local Target. It's a bit of a slow truck so I had to bring things to keep me entertained during the time I'm not sleeping. I've been told by numerous people that they have never met anyone who sleeps as much as I do. But that's just because they are not around at 4am when I'm awake. I spend my days studying the back of my eyelids and my nights watching CSI and painting.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sitting still

What the hell am I going to do with my life? I'm somewhat sick of this city and the people in it. I have this dream of running off to Europe or Australia and leave this god forsaken city behind me. To run away from my life and all the sins that come with it. I keep coming up with these crazy ideas on how I could actually get way with it. To just leave. I could come out of my creative rut and start painting again and sell my work...Or photographs. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I need to move again. I spent most of my childhood watching the white lines of the highway through the window of a U-Haul truck. I've lived in the same city for almost 10 years now and its time to be on the move again. I fell like I'm trying to run through the marshes right now. Stuck and bogged down in the mud. I do the same thing everyday, Sleep, work, sleep, work, drink. If only I had the money to actually leave. I know I'm destined for more than this. More than just being. More than just sitting still. It's time...time to leave...Time to work out everything.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

What more is there to say...I'm bored with my life

So I'm playing musical ambulances. I get moved again this weekend and it will put me on a 36 hour shift. The latter 24 hours on a slower truck so hopefully it means more napping than actually doing real work. I knew this job was for me when I found out that napping was allowed during work hours...that and my tendancy for speeding is only slightly frowned upon.

It's been an eventful week of doing nothing. My days off spent sleeping all day and my nights in a haze of alcohol induced trances of staring off. Tried out a new local bar that has huge sofas and excellent $12 martinis. My new favorite a Key Lime Martini with the rim dipped in graham cracker crumbles. Stellar.

Friday, July 15, 2005

32 hours...and counting

I spent most of my day tying not to fall asleep while driving an ambulance. I have been up for 32 hours and counting. I worked all night last night running calls that included a teenage who swallowed 4 grams a crack cocaine and then tried to gnaw his own hand off, this after he shredded a Hard plastic Cervical Collar with his mouthful of gold teeth, and a woman who has had Abdominal pain for three months and decided at 0630 this morning that she needed an ambulance. Lesson learned last night is Crack is wack. I don't think I have even experienced anything that would make me try to chew my digits off my hand. Then after my sleepless night I had to drag my exhausted ass to another Medic Unit to work during the massive celebration of the new bridge the city just built. The city basically shut down for the fireworks display tonight. Boy was this a LONG shift. And it was ended with a guy who fell down a flight of steep steps to a 3ftx3ft boat landing. Did you know that you can fit a six foot supine unconscious man, three firefighters and two medic in a 3x3 ft space? Neither did I until it was proven tonight. And I have to say that the Fire department in this area is the sharpest group of first responders I have ever worked with. They had our patient's airway controlled, intubated and very close to transport by the time we reached them. We basically just had to make sure he had a pulse and was on a long spine board so that we could carry this man up the same flight of stairs that he just fell down. We got our patient to the local Level One Trauma Center for definitive care and then restocked out truck. Then I spent the next hour and a half on paperwork. I was three hours late getting off. As much as I love my job, I hate it. So Now its 0330 and I'm so tired my hair hurts. So exsausted that I can't sleep. I get one day off. And I will spend all next day sleeping. And dodging phone calls from my old partner who will call all day to wake me up. Asshole.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The sick after effects of Gin

It early in the am and I am bored out of my mind. I'm back on night shift which is wonderful. I miss the night. It's alot quieter and less drivers on the road to piss me off. Plus I'm back to my normal Staying up all night and sleeping all day, without having to explain myself. My friends had a party this Sat. and I'm even still feeling the sickning effect of way too much Gin and it's like two day later. Never again...Okay I'm lying to myself. However, still I say it. No More Gin...Very bad. I will keep drinking Gatorade to replenish the electrolytes that I puked up for an entire 24 hours. I have not been that hung over since my paramedic school graduation where I drank 12 apple martinis and proceeded to embarass myself by falling down the street.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Yet another day snatching them back from the jaws...

Yes, I'm leaving him.

I was told that I'm leaving my calm, cool, and collected partner to do to a night shift truck. This sucks. My new partner is a scary medic. Very DWPA (stands for "death with paramedic assistance") But I can't not say much for it against policy to speak badly of co workers. Damn the man. But I will say I am not looking forward to my next 7 shifts. However it's just seven shifts, that's like 84 hours and if you subtract the 4 hours need for me to be off for a wedding I shooting it's only 80 hours. I can stand 80 hours. I can be very patient. (okay I'm just trying to convince myself...Damn...Not working)

So I had another unconscious on the sidewalk. This time he was breathing. Always a good start, patient is breathing...Check...Patient has a pulse...Check...Patient smells of Wild Irish Rose...Check...Airway, breathing, circulation...All intact. At least his drunk buddy didn't poke him a stick. He just hung back watching us work. So we get this guy backboarded and into the back of the ambulance. He's got shallow breathing and pinpoint pupils...Ah light bulb! Could it be? An overdose? So I gave some Narcan...No such luck patient is still unconscious. So next in my little bag of medical tricks, Dextrose AKA sugar water. Score! Man's blood glucose level was 21, almost 80 below what it should be. 25g later I have my patient waking up quite nicely, still highly intoxicated, but able to talk, not clearly mind you, but still. I worked my magic and saved yet another from the iron jaws of death. My mother should be so proud.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

bitch...bitch...bitch

I have ordered the Fourth season of CSI on DVD from Amazon. Well a used DVD. From some son of a bitch that had a false email and won't send me my stuff. And whoever this person keeps changing the arrive by date so I can't get my money from Amazon. Fucker. Slick... But a fucker.

Also my roommate's 20 year old cat is pissing me off. I came home from the grocery store today with my bedroom door open. Now, I never leave my door open because the goddamn cat will go into my room a piss on all my stuff. I am a bit of a messy person and I have have several piles of clothes on the floor of my bedroom. You know, like a clean pile. Dirty pile, and funky pile. And this fucking cat thinks that a pile of CLEAN clothes is her litterbox. She also like to pee on the bathmat. And when I told my roommate to keep her goddman cat out of my room because the cat pissed all over a pile of clothes I just got out of the dryer, her response was "oh." and then she didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Like she was pissed that I told her that her incontinent cat has taken a liking to my pile of clean clothes... That were in my room... On my floor. She once told that "she wouldn't pee on your stuff if you would put it away" WHAT! It's my goddamn room. I should be able to keep anything I damn well please on the floor of my own bedroom. I fucking pay rent too. I can't sit out in the common area because the entire rest of the house smells like a damn litter box. I do understand that the cat doesn't like to use the litterbox because being the kind cat owner that my roommate is doesn't change the litter box but only once a month. Yes, once a month, that means not only does her room smell like cat piss, so does the entire apartment. It's also my reason number two that I keep my bedroom door shut. It keeps the stench that is the maggot infested cat box out of my personal space. I find all of this completely repulsive to the point that come November when my lease is up, I leaving her and her damn cats to fend for themselves.

Folly's tree


Folly's tree
Originally uploaded by strange little girl 190.



I have no idea how this peice of driftwood came to be like this. It stood over nine feet and was buried in the sand

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

No life or death today, just nothing.

I spent most of my day off internally debating the pros and cons of getting up and going to the gym. The con list eventually won out so I stayed home and shopped for shoes over the internet. Mr Steve Madden and Chinese Laundry got a large chunk of my paycheck today. It was storming most of the day anyway so it put a bit of a damper on my regular day off schedule that includes taking my camera out to take a few shots and going to the beach to burn my fair irish skin. I did stretch a few canvases, however that took much more energy than I planned to use today and I lost my interest to paint. It was late in the afternoon, after my nap, that I decided to at least take a shower. I probaly should be more motivated to do more things on my days off. But why? I spend my days working way to hard doing back breaking work, putting myself at all kinds of risks for a small wage. And yes, it is a fullfilling job and yes I enjoy it very much, it's just hard work. So I feel that I can spend my off days doing absolutly nothing.

I'm in the process of reading two books (Cat's Cradle and The DaVinci Code) and just bought several new CDs that I have promptly uplaoded onto my iPod. There just is nothing better than laying on the sofa while it rains outside, reading and listing to new music. I have a bit of a music and book addiction anyways. I am told I have an impressive collection of both, many of my friends tend to come over if only to "shop" in my library of both music and books. I guess It's because Music and Writing are two art forms I just cannot excel in so people who can have my upmost respect. A good book can make the whole world dissapear. I never understood why my father would sit at the end of the dining room table for hours on the weakend reading unitl I was older with a reall big girl job. Its a realese form the harsh reality of the world. ANd let me tell you nothing brings reality crashing down on you like than walking into a house crawling with roaches (not palmetto bugs, but nasty trash roaches) and not knowing where to put you gear bags down for fear of renagade bugs crawling into them. I have been in a house that the health department had to BURN TO THE GROUND because of all the animals dead and alive had rendered this house unsuitable for living. This woman had (and I'm not exagerating) 150 cats, 75 dogs, 2 ducks, 4 squrrils, 3 racoons and a rabbit living in her house. The floor had four layers of carpet and it was squishy Dishes in the sink from , if I had to guess, circa 1975. However the most upsetting was a dead cat under the dining room table. The ammonia levels in this house rendered the womans son unconscious which is why we were summonded. After that call was over my partner and I had to but our unit out of service and go get our ammonia and other blood levels checked. And my friends wonder why I drink. And why, pray tell, do I put myself through all this? Two words...KARMA POINTS (Actually, Read my Artist in the Ambulance post and thats the real reason.) I love what I do. I get to drive a three ton truck fully equipted with sirens and an airhorn through rush hour traffic at break-neck speed ( well ten miles over the posted speed limit if my supervior asks). And there just is nothing more fullfilling than receiving a thank you from a patient or patients family. It's a rush that you can't get from any other drug.
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said:
Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics"

Live by this rule. We have not heard everything and we reserve the right to make fun of you.

Death on the sidewalk

So today sucked. I woke up this morning pissy, hot, and sweating to the shrill of my alarm. It's always a bad sign when you wake up sweating. It means that it is fucking hot outside, like if the surface of the sun with 98% humidity hot. And I get to put on my polyester blend uniform on. yipee. Although I took a shower, once I stepped outside to go to work at 0930 the shower was null and void. By 0945 when we put our ambulance in service It was 90 degrees outside and 90% humidity. Which according to the weatherman translate into it "feels like 711 degrees" Oh and it the Fourth of July...this is the southern rednecks favorite holiday. "we get to drink all day, then light shit on fire...yeehaaw" Not only was I in no mood to even be at work, neither was my partner. He too was in a fucking pissed off mood from the get go. But here we were two medics sick and tired of the sick and stupid. Our first call was...Well I can't remember anything about it except that it smelled really bad in the back of the truck for like four hours...But our 6th call was a DOA on a sidewalk. It's amazing how clueless some people are. We get called at close to four o'clock for a "Unconscious not alert heat related" Halfway to the call dispatch advises us that this is a possible full arrest. Great. Working a full arrest outside in the sun sounds like just what I wanted to do. On arrival we are greeted by a guy who smells like he fell into a bottle of cheap booze and then ran marathon. "He not moved when I poke at 'em so I call the EMS"
He then took us arounf the corner of the building to a man laying in the middle of the sidewalk. Our patient was not moving and had a few flies buzzing around his head. There was a one legged woman sitting in a wheelchair nearby that identified herself as the patients mother. Now just walking up to this guy it was obvious this guy was no longer of this mortal world and had not been for sometime. according the Wheelchair bound woman He had been laying in the yard since she got home from dialysis at 1030 this morning. She said that she tried to get him to come inside because it was hot outside, but he just laid there. So like any good parent she went inside and So every so 30 mins or so she would go out and check on her "sleeping" son on the front yard. Finally at 3 o'clock the dead mans brother came by and poked at him a few times with a stick. So for like 5 hours this man had been laying there...Dead...On the sidewalk. When we got there the man was stiff, like whole body, can't move the limbs stiff and assuming outside temperature. So there we were two medics, four firemen, three cops and the coroner trying to put the pieces together from information given to us by a drunk and a invalid mother ( who herself was on her last leg...No pun intended) The mother just kept saying "Oh Lord my baby has passed? There ain't nothing you can do? Oh Lord has taken my baby." What can you say to that. He had been there for hours. My partner and I just tried our best to comfort the mother, who I don't think grasped the Idea that her son had died and that was the reason he would not come into the house. I have seen dead in the bed. I have seen dead in the bathroom. I have seen dead in the water, but this was the first dead on the front lawn.

The rest of my shift was uneventful. No lives to be saved today. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do...No matter how hard you try.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Spark 'em now...Apologize later

Now in mine line of work there are two types of people. Sick people and NOT sick people. You normally can just look at someone and tell. Shit, this patient is S-I-C-K. Their skin color is off, they are sweaty, maybe weak or dizzy. Sometime they will just give you a vague description on how they feel. If a paramedic hears "I just don't feel good" and the patient looks like shit normally they are really sick. The patient just feels so bad that don't really want to use the energy to try and think of how to describe how they feel. Case in point...I got called to a respiratory. Now when we got there he was sitting in a van in a parking lot. Struggling to breath and diaphoretic, his skin was pale and ashen. Just pulling up and seeing him, before I even spoke to him, I knew this man is fucking sick. Something is terribly wrong. Unable to find a radial pulse we just quickly moved him into the back of the ambulance. As soon as I put him on our cardiac monitor I found out what was wrong. This guy was in VTach, a highly lethal heart rhythm. Now mind you that this man is Awake and alert. He kept telling me to lock his car door and to find his glasses. Now the treatment for this a quick, very painful intervention. I was going to have to shock this man with 200Joules of energy to get his heart to quit quivering, which is essentially what it is doing, (think of the heart as bag of worms, just worming around) And because this man had no obtainable blood pressure I was going to have to do this without the aid of sedation. So as my partner was on the radio with the MDs at the ER I was preparing this old man for pain he has never experienced in his life. As I slide and IV into his arm I tell him "What we have to do to help you is going to be very, very painful, but it will only last a second and you are very sick. Your heart is not working like it should"
He responds with "I know...I have bad heart. My Doctor called it Atrial fibrillation, Please don't hurt me"
"I have to."
"no please don't hurt me"
"sir, if I don't hurt you, you will die"
As soon as I said that my partner yells "CLEAR!" hits the "shock" button. The man jumped, just like on ER, and yelps. Then turns to me and says "Did you lock my van?"
After that he was fine. His heart went back to normal and he was able to breath. His skin pinked up and dried up. My partner looked at me then hopped out and drove us to the hospital. On the way I ask my patient if he felt better. He took my hand and said "Thank You"
"Im sorry I had to hurt you"
"No...I feel much better, Thank you"
Then I thought about my mother, who is an ER nurse herself. She once told me two things :
Never let your pulse get higher than your patients...And spark em now...Apologize later.