Thursday, November 27, 2008

Well I have decised to go back to school. These past few weeks at work have made me rethinking paramedicine and the reason I'm in it. The cincher was after I got moved out of a district I love, away from a partner I get along with, and am not longer under the supervison of Supervisors that have grown to trust me. And they did it at the holidays, which has me working on every holiday but Thanksgiving day. I had my whole holidays planned. But because I am single with no kids, the holidays apparently mean nothing to me. The move was caused by something that didn't even involve me either. This among many other things have been leading me to this conclusion of going back to school to finish my BFA in photography. This job has gone away from Emergency Medicine and has turned into a "let us hold your hand and sing fucking Kumbaya" with the so called sick and dying. I am now forced to be nice. If I don't coddle my patients I may get a complaint and then I'm called into the principle's office for an ass chewing. Now I am normally kind to my patients, but then I have a patient throw a stack of Medicaid cards at my feet telling me "If you want it, you can pick it up and find it" I have a hard time biting my tounge and continuting to play nice. It's the ones that demand respect, but refuse to give it to me that piss me off. They feel that I am there to service them, not care for them. They talk down to me. That I am below them on the social ladders. So to them I say "I am here to save your ass, not kiss it"

I have grown tired of this. I am burned out and all thats left is a broken medic with a broken spirit. So When I walked into Art School, I could feel the energy in the halls. The creativity came back. I walkedd the halls of that place and I felt alive again, amoung the creative misfits. I had forgotton that feeling. I used to get it getting on the ambulance and running the lights. Not anymore, so I now think my lifespan as a medic is coming to an end. Art is calling me home. So now, a year shy of 30. I am going back to school. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel.


Anonymous said...

You sound really burned out. If you want to change careers, now is the time to do it. Once you decide to be in a committed relationship, all of your priorities change. Children will affect your decisions more than you can imagine. I'm glad you have a vision of what you want to do.


chucker said...

Hey, could be you'll face "happy" days soon, among people who appreciate you and your talents.

You have "paid your dues," and deserve some good times.

I wish you well.

brit para said...

keep the diary going though. you can be "paramedic in hiding" instead. anyway, i'm two years older than you and still don't feel too old to take a break from this job, then come back after a few years.