Okay, now I'm just rambling...

Well, I slayed the monster. The headache/ migraine from the devil himself ended yesterday. No more laying in the dark, moaning. I would like to thank the ER, my primary care MD and dilaudid for the help. I was beginning to think I was never gonna go away. I have had migraines for about 8 years now and that was by far the worst. Mostly because the damn thing would not go away. But anyways on to better news.

I move in two weeks! Yippie! My new home is this awesome old house in downtown. Walking distance from everything. Bars, restaurants, little shops, even the medic station. Which is great now that gas is up to 3 bucks a gallon. It is on the Historic Registry, build around 1801. I'm wondering if it is haunted. My new roommates seem great, laid-back people. And the room is freaking HUGE. Its got 12ft ceilings, windows that go almost floor to ceiling, and a fireplace in the bedroom. Non working mind you, but still a great little design feature. The one and only bad thing I can find is there is no real closet, just a bar in a little indentation in the corner. But that is a small price to pay for an otherwise wicked cool place. I have my boys and their trucks lined up for moving day. I am counting down the days.

Work is pretty slow these days. I'm out on the island. Spend my day sleeping and my nights watching Futurama. I have a chill partner, who is funny as hell. Doesn't get worked up over anything. Which I find makes all the differance when you're out in the middle of nowhere. I worked out on the east end of the county once, also in the middle of nowhere, with a partner who I had absoulutly nothing in common with. And it was in a one room station, with no internet, no where to escape. Now that was a hard six months. But this time, I like the guy I'm working with. We listen to the same music, we will chat about photography (he shoots too), sometimes we drive around our district , stopping at old churches or farms so I can snap off some photographs. He will sit and watch cartoons with me in the morning while we eat our oatmeal...or grits. He tells me about his wife and kids, who from the stories seem to be as much of a trip as he is. So, yeah, I like working out there with him. Plus I can work an ass of overtime, then go out there and sleep off the night in the city.

They are still pushing me to get my Acting Crew Cheif. I'm fighting as much as I can, but it seem to be a losing battle. It's not that I don;t think I can handle the medicine. I can, I am a good medic. It's just I don't want to be in charge. I don't have good managing skills. I find it difficult to sit someone down and tell then why they suck. I also don't deligate very well. I just feel I can do it better myself, than to have to explain something to someone. Or tell someone what to do. I know thats how people learn and all, but I feel I'm just as capable to re-stock the truck as my basic partner can. I hate telling people what to do. I'm just not that kind of bossy. I mean I can tell my friends and family what to do all day long, but a co-worker, a partner, it's just diffrent somehow. Plus, I don't want to have to write evals. I know I'm not perfect, so I don't want to have to point out someone elses flaws. I'm just too nice when it comes to things like that. Even in photography school, when we would do group critiques, I was the Paula Abdul of critiques. Even it the photograph sucked balls, I never could say that. I always said things like "Well, the lighting in nice" So, Im fighting the powers that be. I'm quietly refusing to take my acting test. I will continue to fight it until they either pushed the test into my hands or they threaten me.

The Monster in my Head

I think I'm dying. Well, maybe not dying. But, close. Since Friday afternoon I have been fighting a migraine. I get them occasionally. I take my Maxalt or my Imitrex, lay down with a cold compress for a few hours and they normally go away. On rare occasions, this doen't work and I make a trip to the local ER where I get a small dose of Dilaudid, that normally knocks them out quickly, never to return. This time however something is painfully wrong. I have taken the Max dose fo my Triptans (300mgs every 24 hours) for three days, Alernating Advil Migraine and Excedrine Migraine every four hours. I have made two trips to the ER, one trip to my Primary Care MD, got two doses of IV Diluadid in the ED and a script for 4mg PO Dilaudid from my Primary and the monster is still raging. The whole right side of my head is ripping open. So here I lay, in the dark, stoned on painkillers wishing for either my head to crack open to relieve the pressure or for the narcs to kick in fully so I can just sleep. Sleep would be good.

Status migrainosus is what it's called. A drug- resistant mirgraine lasting longer than 72 hours. I googled it. A rare species of Migraine who is a particularlly nasty, mean little bastard. The little fucker has caused all kinds of trouble this weekend work-wise, money-wise, health-wise. I had to leave work, forcing somebody in. Which I HATE doing, because it sucks being on the receiving end of that phone call with a Supervisor going, "You have to come back in, someone's called out sick" and it really sucks when that sick person works on an outlying truck, an hour from anywhere, and it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Thus, making you drive out there only to be relieved in two and a half hours later. This has also caused all kinds of finacial issues because each ER visit is $150, then $25 for my doctor visit, another $8 for the RX, then $50 more on Thursday when I go see my Neurologist, who will probally give me new abortive and prophylaxtic meds. So even more money because most Migraine abortives are band name only, there is no generic form of Imitrex. And of course, being that I work in the medical field and that I watch way too much "House" I have all these thoughts of "Maybe it's a brain tumor" or "Maybe its a AVM" or "Maybe the kid I took care of a week ago with a fever had bacterial Menigitus" or "Maybe it's a rare African parasite that crawled into my head through my nose while I was sleeping and it is now snacking on my brain" or Maybe it's just a fucking Migraine. But whatever it is, It's not going away. So here I lay, possibly dying from a rare African parasite, who I have now dubbed "Bang Bang" after the way he makes my head feel, missing a TRMT knot-tying class that I need to get into all the rest of my Confined Space and High Angle Rescue Classes from the Fire Academy.

!@#$% You Drug Companies

Been working my fingers to the bone recently. My normal shift is 36 hours right now. Sounds alot worse than it is though. It ususally goes I work the first 12 on a busy urban truck, run 9-12 calls then I travel almost 40 miles out to the islands run maybe 2 calls in the last 24 hours. So sleep is easy out there. In fact yesterday I ran one call then we made it back to the station where I then slept until almost 2030. So no case of the poor mes. You alsmost feel bad taking the systems money, getting pain to sleep and all. Almost. Then you remember what EMS stands for. Earn Money Sleeping.

Quick change of subject...this is something tah really chaps my ass...

I have Asthma. I take Albuterol. I get two MDIs for 6 bucks. Well... I used to get two MDIs for 6 bucks. I went to get my refill the other day and apparently they changed the canister that the inhalers come in. Changed the propellant or something. My new inhaler was 52 bucks and some change. "52 Dollars?!?" I said the the pharmacist. "52 DOLLARS for ALBUTEROL!?! Are you high? Have you guys been snorting the Vicoden back there or something?" My brand name Migraine meds are even that much. This is for just plain ol Albuterol. I refused to pay it. I still have a puffer thats about half full. I'll suck that thing dry before I pay that much for what should noramlly be a very cheap drug. It's cheap like asprin's cheap. What the hell is this world coming too that I, a hard working American, who works in healthcare, who has great health insureance otherwise, has to pay 52 dollars for what any Medicaid recipiant can get for less than $4. But I digress... Just because Warrick Pharamaceuticals is "going green" with some new fancy propellant, they think they can rape the American people and charge this obscene amount for what is a life-saving drug. This is no Viagra. People who use Albuterol use it because without it their airways tighten up and they could die. It's not like the asthmatics of the world can go "Fuck You Drug Companies, Shove it up your assess HMOs, I just not gonna take it, see how you like them apples!" Because they would be doing it while on a ventilator. And as dramatic as that would be, it's nearly impossible to talk with a tube shoved down your throat. So we can only do one thing and pay 52 dollars for a MDI, or 85 dollars for Verapamil (a cheap Calcuim Channel Blocker used to treat hypertension, among other things, like my migraines) or 120 dollars for 8 pills of Imitrex a month. (yes, That is what they wanted to charge me for my Migraine RX before I paid my annual $100 deductable, which is also insane, but again I digress) It's not fair. I already pay almost 90 dollars a month for health insureance. I pay my deductables and co-pays. Why is it now I being made to dig deeping in my pocket for my medications that I need to survive. Are these drug companies not getting enough of my money.