3am and awake

Back to posting in the middle of the night. Can't sleep again, This sucks. I spent the evening with the new graduating class of Charleston paramedics. If I can say anything paramedics know how to throw a party. I also was the DD. After last weekend I decided that I would abstain from ETOH for a while. Since I was not able to keep anything down until 1900 the night after my big birthday bash. I surprised my house wasn't set on fire after the guests started a huge fire in my fire bowl. Lets just say the woods behind my house was cleared of a few tree branches. Work has been slow nothing of note really, except the police department has been calling on us for really retarded stuff recently. I think there must have been an incident in the jail again. CYA type of stuff like a small laceration that needs no stitches on an assault victim's forehead. Comes out to us as a "head injury" or "bleeding, possible dangerous body area"

I got an email from on old patient. I don't really condone having contact with patients after we leave them at the Trauma Center, but this particular one holds a special place in my heart. Anyone who has read this blog before has read the post "The artist in the ambulance" It was June 27th 2004 at 0712 in the am, I had had about three hours of sleep in 48 hours ( I was still in paramedic school at the time) I had my first real trauma in which us as paramedics in the streets are the reason he is still alive. It was a hard call, he was pretty messed up. Awake with a gag, yet he had no face below the eyes. His jaw was completely gone and had no airway control. His arm was amputated and had a large alvusion to his upper chest. This call almost made me quit EMS altogether. However I worked through it. I still keep in touch with him. He is back to being a triathlete, just finished an Ironman race. My first save really. A save that has caught the attention of Zoll Medical. Zoll is the company who provides us with out AEDs, cardiac monitors and AutoPulse ( a CPR machine). Apparently Zoll has been tracking our Saves and wants to use my patient at a national shareholders meeting. So thats kinda cool. I really could care less about the Zoll thing. yeah getting recongnition is nice, but it's not why I do my job.

Miss you long time

Water



I know I promised paintings next...however I have to get the negitives of the portfolio pieces scanned so as soon as that gets done I will pos painting. Till then enjoy the photgraphy damnit.

Long time no write. Actually life has been pret-ty dull here in Chucktown. Other than the drunken debachery at my birthday party last weekend most of which I lost in the bottom of Tangeray. No lives to be snatched from the greedy jaws of death. No bloody messes to be cleaned up and swept off to the ER in a rush of lights and sound. Just a bunch of bullshit...and a crowd of violent hypoglycemics (or NGAH; translation: No Groceries At Home) that have to be restrained with several pairs of handcuffs generously donated for the transport by the City Police Department. It has been slow in life as well as work. I just felt I needed to write something...anything...

The underbelly

It amazing really how the same city came be portrayed in diffrent ways. One of my birthday gifts was CSI:NY on DVD. It shows NYC as dark, dirty, and seedy. It shows the underbelly of the city in stark reality. Now take they same city and tell it's stories through the eyes of the girls of Sex and the City. It's all that glitters, five star resteraunts, gallery openings, Manolo Blahniks. Diffrent shows, diffrent point of views. I was reminded of this as I walked the streets of my own city earlier armed with my Nikon. I live in a coastal southern city, known for it's history, food, beaches. Wandered through Waterfront Park, down East Bay Street until I hit The Battery. The homes on The Battery are multi-million dollar historic homes, some that have survived The Civil War, The Quake, and many years of hurricanes. Just a few blocks from there is the ghetto of downtown. In my line of work we see all parts of the city. I've been in the big historic homes with all the antique furniture and I've been in the Section 8 housing with the second hand sofa. I have found out that the rich can be just as filthy and nasty as the dirt poor. I have seen the wealty ignore thier children, just as the indigent pay no attention to thier own. Some of the poor are just as demanding, just as rude as some of the rich. But I can say with all certainty that I have seen the best and the worst of all humanity. I have been witness to acts of kindness that whould bring tears to even me, The Ice Prinecess. I have seen some of the most henious crime scenes in Charleston. Accidents, sickness, deaths, and births, thats my work. I can tell stories of the beautiful parts of my city, of the world outside of my work. Friends, drinks, good food, family. But I can also tell the stories of my life while wearing the uniform. Blood, guts, the sick and the stupid. Every person, every place has it's own unique story to tell.

Happy Birthday to me.

The Pineapple

It's been a calm couple of days, had several days off. No OT for me this week. Fisrt time in a month I haven't spent the week in a uniform. Celebrated my birthday on Thursday in style at a rooftop bar over looking The Market. Friends and cosmopolitons. Very Sex and the City you might say. I got everything I wanted, Nip/Tuck and CSI:NY on DVD, some new PJs and an old Kodak camera to add to my growing collection of antique cameras. Spent yesterday and today with my family. I should spend more time with them. My daddy is still getting over not having his girls around since both my sister and I aren't living at home anymore. I think it's harder on him than he likes to admit. Mama says he is having a bit of seperation anxity. He worries about us. Me because of my work. My sister because she's still young and living in the big bad city. I do get to see my mom more since she works in one of the busy local ERs. She just left the pediatric ER to work at County ER so intead of dealing with children, she treats more psych, drunks and homeless. She says some of those psychs are like the toodlers anyways. She likes it, except for the borderlines, she doesn't like them, which I can understand, they are an odd group people to deal with. I love encoding the hospital when she's working because she always ends the transmission with "See you when you get here, sweetie. Drive safely!" It was embarassing in the beginning because all the other medics could hear it and would give me a hard time, but now most of them relize who she is and they all refer to as "Mom". And she always tries to stand up for the medics when the ER staff gets bitchy with us.

Genius, Just Genius

Okay, So eveyone by now has seen those commercials for Vonage, that broadband phone company, right? If you haven't the general premise of the ad is People do stupid things, like chop down a tree that falls onto thier car or they throw a bat through a plate glass window. And the theme song is this whoohoowhoohoo song (it was also a song used in Kill Bill). Okay, so today during monthly TRMT (technical rescue medical team, see "Dangling and hanging" and "I'm just a girl" posts for more info) We had a Vonage moment. See our training today consisted of "rescuing" a patient from a tree. They had to get the dummy hoisted up into the tree before we could rescue it, so they (and I use they because the genuis idea I'm about to illustrate was the boys' idea. Me and the only other girl on the team were only bearing witness to this madness.) decided that the best way to get the rope over a branch about 30 feet off the ground was to tie a large wrench to the end of the rope and toss it up and around the branch. So we all got our helmets on, I mean we are throwing wrenches up into the air. The other girl and I set up two lawn chairs and sat and watched as the boys hurled wrenches at this tree. We had a pot going on how many times it would take to get the rope around the tree. (I said 25 times, I lost by one.) Now this was some of the best entertainment I had in a while. Watching them as the huttled around each other like they are working out a football play or sometime. Even so often one would stop, toss it and miss, then they would all huttle around again figuring out the laws of physics this was going to require. After about 45 minutes of tossing the wrench, one stated that the rope was to heavy to heave up high enough, so they switched to several large sockets and a long peice of webbing. Finally getting it up there we were able to hoist the dummy up. We made our pully systems and it was now my turn to be pulled up into the tree. I get in my harness, which is most uncomfortable. And they hook me into the system and hoist me up. I then have to pick the 200 lb dummy and get him hooked into my harness, which in itslef is a feat. As they were getting me down they genuis boys wanted to change something on the gground so they kept me hanging for like an hour with my harness cutting up into my crotch (I am so glad I was born female) with my left leg stradling the dummy's neck and my right leg underneath my ass. I think it was position # 47 in the Cosmo last month. So I sat up there, took a nap and waited for whatever they were fixin to be fixed so that I could get down.

Clusters of Madness

Wow...We were busy yesterday. I did a shift switch with another medic, so I worked his shift yesterday, so I am off today. Thank god I'm off today I don;t think I could handle anymore people. 11 calls in less than 12 hours. And these people were sick. Actually sick. Well the first call they weren't however it was kinda humorous. I was 3 minutes late for work. I woke up at 0530 and hit the snooze button, what I thought was once, however when the alarm went off again it was 0640 and I had to get dressed and drive to work in 5 minutes, which was doable because the station I was working is two blocks from my house. But I had to pack up my stuff for the shift like I was moving in and get all my shower stuff together. So that took the extra 3minutes I had to spare after I got dressed. SO I get there and immediately get a call ( hurray for bedhead, I need a shower).. MVA...Car vs house....yep he was in the house alright, this particular house has been struck by a vehicle at least three times in the past six months. It's just in a bad place with no protection from the traffic flow. The car he hit first was slung through a fence and came to rest in a driveway, t-boning a parked truck, which had a man in it. We had six patients all of them High School students. And they kept wandering around the scene. I didn't know who I had treated and who I hadn't and then the parents started showing up so that distracted the kids even more. I finally got on the PA in the truck intructing "Anyone involved in the accident who wants treatment get over to the ambulance, NOW!" I finally got them lined up next to the truck and then the police officers started calling them over. I told then "STAY PUT! Don't go anywhere" Then looked at the cop and told him to "Give me just a minute to let me get vitals and information and then you can have them, But as of right now they belong to me."
"Yes'um"
"Thank you"
Damnit. We finished up with that cluster of a call, got back to the station, I got in the shower. Mid shower get a call. Go...Go again...And again...And again x5 more. Total of 11 calls and that was just the first 12 hours. The second half consisted of 5 more. All sick, most of them unconscious. Goddamn, I was happy to get off that truck.

Im sicker than you...

I gotta stop working so much OT. This is getting a bit ridiculous. I just worked a 36 hour shift with terrible allergies. I feel like crap. I think I was sicker than my patients this shift. Sneezing for 36 straight hours kinda works your nerves after a while. My nose is running and stopped up at the same time. Even the firemen that work at my station are like you look like shit, why don't you go home?. EH...All in a days work I guess. I think I would not be as bitchy if the patients we saw actually needed an ambulance. I worked nonstop the night before last and not one of then needed me. Two assaults, two "chest pains" and one "Shortness of breath with fluttering in chest". The shortness of breath was the last straw because...One the fucker lied to me...Two he wasn't short of breath and three it was at 0430 in the AM. If you're going to call me at o'dark thirty for an ambulance, don't lie to me when I ask have you been drinking or doing any illegal drugs. (he smelled of ETOH and had been doing cocaine all night) And a least PRETEND to be sick. Do not just sit on the stretcher and suck your teeth at me when I ask you questions. Show me the respect I show you, you lowlife. You called me REMEMBER! I'm getting fed up with the not sick and stupid...So that means a good call is coming. It's when I completely lose all patience that I get a call that reminds me why I do what I do. Why I put up with the bullshit and low pay. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that somewhere, sometime I am going to get a call that puts it all in perspective. Until then I have to put up with teeth sucking, not sick, and 4am calls for nothing.


PS...anyone know of a good sites to get EMS related programs for PDAs?

On Being Green

There are several sayings in EMS, like "it's not my emergency", "never do anything you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics later", and my personal favorite "Paramedics save lives, but EMT's save Paramedics" My first crew chief taught me that one. She said it after a bad call in which I was able to catch something that she had overlooked. It was something simple, something in the Basic Life Support department. We, medics sometimes get so wrapped up it doing the advanced medicine that we sometimes forget the Basic stuff. One of my pet peeves is Paramedics who develop this god complex and think they are above their EMT partner. I recently worked with a Paramedic who spoke very harshly about one of newly hired Basics, who is very green, however very sharp and always asks a lot of questions. The Basic was my relief one night after working with this medic, and she asked me if she could vent a bit. As she spoke of being very nervous during calls and how she really didn't know her place, I was brought back to when I was first hired as a brand new EMT. I had the same feelings. I shook my way through my first calls, hell, even now, I still shake through some of the bad ones. I told her that my voice sometimes still cracks when I give an encode to the hospital, especially if it's a sick patient. Since she is a part timer, she has had to work with many different crew chiefs and she said that was hard for her not working with the same partner. She was worried because every partner wants things done different ways...Like some carry all the gear into the house, some just carry a drug box. She got all worked up because she has worked with some of the most asshole of Medics, she kept saying how stupid she felt. I calmed her down, telling her that even I get freaked out, I'm still a bit green myself. I showed her how to set up things like the nebulizer and the CPAP machine. I told her most medics expect the basic EMT partner to put the patient on the monitor. If she works with a good Medic, not only will they show her how to work the 12 leadEKG correctly, they will show her what they are looking it, especially if it's interesting. I told her to ask alot of questions if she didn't understand. And that eventually it will all come to her. She will be able to do it without thinking. I hope I made her feel better. I still remember my first days. It was the hardest two weeks of my life, not counting the 14 months I spent in paramedic school. (but that was hard for different reasons). I was constantly being yelled at about my driving. And running code, and not blowing through intersections without clearing them first. Everyone has their strenths and their weakness. My just happened to be driving the unit. Hey, I was used to driving a compact car....What can you expect from me?

calling out

I felt bad...literallt. However I also felt bad that I had to force someone. I called out sick for the first half of my shift. I had a killer migraine yesterday. One that forced me into the ER last night. The MD at the hospital gave me some strong pain meds, that basiclly keeps me unresponsive for many hours. So just a precaution I called out sick. And according to policy, if one does not come in for shift and it's not covered then whoever worked the shift before is forced to work. It sucks and I hate calling out sick anyways. In fact It's been such a long time since I've called out that I did not know who to call out to. See, our system has since added 2 new supervisor positions. So now we have three new districts that the three superviors seperatly take care of. So when it came time to call out, I had no idea who to call. I had to call dispatch and find out. Any ways, so I spend all last night doped up on Dilaudid and Tylox. What a wonderful way to spend an evening. I really can understand how people become addicted to this stuff.

Full Moon

Work sucks. Not really, but yeah kinda. I think its only becaue I enjoy what I do for the most part that I can tolerate it for as long as I have. Any other normal person would have already said "oh fuck this." The long hours, the low pay, the lack of respect from patients make the job hard. And since I'm dealing with a partner who I have a few problems with, it makes for long hours. And the fact that the problems arn't really something that one can really talk about, I mean you can;t just say "Just shut the fuck up and quit making lame excuses." At least without sounding like a compleate bitch. I have come to the conclusion that it's because he is very insecure with himself that he feels the need to keep talking about how much he has seen and done, so that you will be impressed with him. I really could care less if people, well people as a whole, are impressed with me. Yes, I have a few of my co workers that I want to, not impress, but think good about me and my practice of medicine. To think I'm a good medic, someone they would not mind if I responded to their family. I think every medic feels that though.

Last night was the night of crazy bitches. One who not only was a psych, but also a a victim of an assault. She would not speak to any males on scene, including the Police Officers. And at one point she quit speaking to me, only speaking to the female detective. I felt a bit helpless, I wanted to help her, however not knowing what she was going through, or really knowing the right questions to ask, it made it hard. I just was kind and held her hand when she asked me too. And I am not a hand holder. The next call was a psuedo-seizure patient with signifigant psych history who called EMS because she "felt like she was going to have a seizure." This was at 0330. Other than that it was a slow night.

Then I had inservice in the AM. It was short and I learned all about OB/GYN emergencies. I know child birthing is supposed to be a miracle and abeautiful thing. But have you ever seen a baby being born? It's gross. The thing is slimy and hard to keep a good hold on. But It's still kinda cool I will admit.

No more overtime for at least to weeks. I've been working too hard. I will spend my days off doing absolutly nothing. Just enjoing the weather and trying to stay out of an ambulance.

PS. Just as a side note the new truck's name is Tallula Belle.

the butterfly

beautiful isn't it?

too much

It's been awhile since I posted, for no other reason but that I have not much to really ramble about. Been Working way too much OT, but I have a big ol' car payment now so work is my life. However, I am taking the week off from OT.

I have a new partner while my regular partner is healing after geting struck by a car while riding his bike. He's fine, just going to be out of work for a bit longer than I had hoped. So for now I am working with one of those know-it-all Medics who has seen and done EVERYTHING and proceeds to tell me stories I could care less about on how at his last job he was able to do much more advanced procedures and how I am going to have to help him basiclly "dumb his medical practices down a bit" because he is so much more advanced than I. I think it is wonderful that you were able to fly in to New Orleans after the hurricane and save thousands of lives with just a peice of twine, a couple of bandages, and your over advanced wits. Medics like this drive me batty. I honestly don't really care that in your last system you worked in you were putting in chest tubes and sternal IOs intead of regular ol' IVs. And yes I think that being a flight medic is very cool and I hope to be able to do it someday, but I don't want to hear about from an over confident medic who thinks they can save the world all by themselves. I am a competent medic, I do my job and I do it pretty damn well. Don't walk all over my toes because you think that you are so much better than I am because you just spent the last year as a flight medic. I think you need to calm your ass down, and relize that its's not always about you.

In other news one of my good friend from High School is getting married and I get to be a bridesmaid...oh how exciting. In fucshia...and I've have been told that I must get a spray-on fake tan because apparently I am too pale ( I am Irish, I have china-doll skin, I don't tan and I look rediculas with one) and I have to cover up my tattoos with some stuff I've never heard of that I'm probally allergic to. But whatever, I'll do it to make her perfect little wedding go off without a hitch, however I will not be paying for any of it. Im going to have to buy a $200 dress that I will never wear again. So if she wants to turn me from the pale, tattooed white trash that I am into a barbie doll she can put up the funds. I'm waiting for the "you are going to have to lose weigh" speech. In which I will reply a big "What the Fuck?" Oh...and its a dry wedding. But My best friend , who is the maid of honor,and I have been coming up with creative solutions around that little problem.

Wow...Im realy hateful this AM...Sorry...No not really

Here she is...well part of her

I got her. Finally...I got her yesterday. She is beautiful and wicked fast. Now all that needs to be done is naming her. I'm open to any suggestions.

Strike one...Strike two...Strike three...And I'm out.

I've just gotten home from a long 48 hours. I have now figured out the four overtime shifts in a pay period (two weeks) is just too many. I can only take some much rudeness and stupidity before I lose all compassion. Now I will say the first 12 hours of the 48 was very nice one call. And it was actually somebody who needed an ambulance. I can't remember what it was, just that they were sick. Its been too much after that to recall the details of your first call of almost 20. People can however be extremely rude to EMSers, especially at 0330 in the am. Called to a 25 y/o pregnant woman at 330 in the morning, who by the way is one her SEVENTH pregnancy, for contractions. Now she called us because of the labor pains. The girl had already been to L & D once that day. She left AMA earlier because she was afraid they were not going to feed her. SO she came home instead of waiting. Now one...The L&D staff would not let her go hungry and two...I guess she forgot, SHE CALLED US. There is no need to be a nasty rude bitch to the paramedics. She refused to answer any of our questions, she just sucked her teeth at us. Look here bitch, I know your pregnant, I know your tired, but we have to know what the fuck is going on so that we can help you. YOU CALLED US, we didn't;t just decide to show up on your doorstep at o'dark thirty for our fucking health. Oh...And she had about seven Medicaid cards belonging to her six children and herself. Instead of just finding hers, she just threw the whole stack at us, saying "It's in here, you need it, you find it."

So that was strike one.

Strike two came at 2230 last night when the police called us for a psych at the Huddle House. The man was acting erratically, eating off of other patrons plates and refusing to speak. So with the assistance of the police and one of our street supervisors we were able to get him into the truck, restrain him, and transport. Now everything was fine until we encoded the hospital. The patient had an old hospital ID bracelet in his pocket, so he thought just to take him back to the hospital he came from. Well apparently that's not how it works, at least according to the hospital. Now EMS policy states that if the pt has no preference to take the patient to the nearest facility, however the ID bracelet clued us in to the fact he was a a patron of a certain hospital, so we took him there. When the MD answered the radio, he questioned why the patient was in restraints, why the police were no longer with us and why the patient was coming there. I answered all of the questions and when I asked it there was any orders I got dead air for like 5 min. They were ignoring me. And the longer they were silent the more angry I got. After asking several times if they had any more questions/ orders, they finally came back and bitched me out over the radio. And then again at the hospital. The only thing I said was "If you have a problem I can give you my superviors cell number and you can speak to him" to which I got the response "What the hell will that fix?"
Well not a damn thing tonight, but atleast it will go on record as being a problem that we bring patients to your hospital. As a side note the ER staff and security reconized him as a frequent flyer to that particular hospital. Even my mother who has been an RN at that hospital a short time, coming from the city's pediatric ER, knew who he was.

So strike two...

Now strike three was a thirty year old crack whore with CHF and on dialysis, She smoked $200 worth of crack rock and then became short of breath...Well DUH. However she was nice and polite so only the fact she is just stupid, and I had already had had enough for just two days is the reason she made my list.

Strike three and I'm out.

So now I'm going to crawl into my bed and sleep until 4 o'clock in the afternoon.

I've been working my ass off. 36 hours in uniform. My uncomfortable polyester uniform. Well at least until today when we were able to wear a cotton polo shirts as a summer uniform. But Oct. 1st marks the day that we have to go back to normal blue shirt with silver rank and name tag. So anyways...back to the post...I worked hard for 24 hours running 9 calls. Nothing really of note, except for a 19 year old who wrecked her car in a ditch. We pull up and she is laying supine on the ground right outside the car in the grass. I walk up and she looks up at me, " Uh...Can I get up now?"
"Well...do you have pain in your neck?"
"No."
"Do you have pain in your back?"
"No."
"Then yeah. You can get up off the ground."
"Cool because only my arm hurts."
As she gets up I see why her arm hurts. She has turned her left upper arm into hamburger meat. It was not abrated, it was not lacerations, it was chewed up....and bleeding hard core. She was completly calm, I guess the pain had not set in yet. We wrapped her arm up and took her to the trauma center and she was fine. So it was an uneventful night. Then Ispent 12 hours out on an outlaying truck. So I spent the day shift sleeping and watching Family Guy.

This was the first night in almost a month I was able to go out. So I went out drinking Gin until was could not walk and had to call a cab to drive my drunk ass home.

Untitled

This photograph has nothing to do with this post. I just think its a cool picture and I would like to share it. It's the Biltmore Hotel in Atlanta. I took it from Peachtree St.

I went to visit my Xterra at the dealership. She is red and shiny. I do have to trade in my little Carolla. I loved that car. I hope she finds a good owner, somewhat more kinder to her than I have been. I tend to drive her like I stole her and she has fallen prey to several mailboxes and one deer. But she was a good little car, took my abuse and kept on going. But it's time to move on. I have a big girl job, so I think I should have a big girl ride.

In other news...We have new Neighbors. Three new girls. My roommate and I were hoping for a house full of new men to corupt, however as long as these new ladies are as nice as I think they are, all will be well. They don't have two yipper dogs like the lady who lived there before, so already they have cool points. And as long as they don;t mind the parties we have ever once and a while...They tend to get out of control at around 0400, after many hours of adult beverages. The last one ended in a wretling match that let me with a black eye and another player with two broken ribs. Lesson learned: never wrestle with drunken paramedics. Also invite several police officers so when you get busted for the commotion you have back-up.

Dangling and Hanging

Last shift was very slow. I spent the AM dangling from a 6 story building trying to finish my Technical Rescue compentancies. I learned how to pass a knot in the rope while rappelling. Very scary stuff, at least for me being somewhat afraid of heights. And I am one of two girls on the team. The boys make it look so easy. I think sometimes they forget I don;t have the body strenth they do, but the boys on the team are very patient with me, so when I start freaking out they can quickly calm me down by telling me that I am attached to the wall by not one but two ropes and that I will not fall. Still I am nervous while hanging 50 feet off the ground. Then it started raining so we had to pack up early and I had to return to my truck for my normal shift.

So I spent my afternoon and nighttime doing not much of anything. It was a slow night. I have a new partner, well several new partner's while my normal partner is out on a injury. Just my luck I finally get a partner I like and enjoy being around and he goes and gets his ass hit by a car while riding his bicycle. He's fine, but he will be out for at least three weeks. So my partner last night was actually a street supervisor. A white shirt was my partner. This could be very nerve racking for a crew member, if he wasn't so damn laid-back. He not one to judge you or your medicine, was unless your medicine is completely screwed up. He misses the streets, so he sometimes picks up OT on an ambulance. Which I think is very cool, that he will sometimes hangs up his captain bars for a shift with the rest of the street medics. He has not forgotten when he came from, has not forgotten the way it sometimes is on the streets. That sometimes we have to push the envelope right to the edge, think outside the band-aid box. But there was no pushing of the envelope last night, no lives to be saved. We had two calls, both uneventful, run of the mill calls.

This AM was our inservice, long drawn-out boring. But a necessary evil I guess, as long as it keeps me from having to take Nat'l Registry exams over again, I will gladly go. When I took my paramedic practicals, I broke out in hives so bad my intructors thought I was going to need a dose of Epi. I do that during ACLS practicals. In fact practicals in general make me break out like a hormonal teenager. Embarrassing as hell. Thank god today was PEPP, or prehospital pediatrics. Like PALS, but aimed more toward Prehospital than in hospital treatment. No practicals, just a written test, which I can pass with my eyes closed, being that my mother was a Pediatric ER nurse and has passed on her knowledge of treating sick kids on to her own kid. I like dealing more with Peds anyways. With a sick kid, manage the Airway and it will most likely manage the problem. Unlike sick adults, which can be any number of things Cardiac, neurological, respiratory. So you must manage ALL of the problems before they get better. Kids are more honest anyways.

It's not my emergency.

Medics and EMTs as a whole are a clever group of people. Because of the nature of the job, the split-second life or death decision making aspect of our existence, we have come up with numerous acronyms to help us remember the right order of the right questions to ask. OPQRST for assessment, DCAPBTLS for trauma, SAMPLE for medical history, AVPU for level of consciousness, APGAR for birthing babies, ABC for initial assessment are just to name a few. Even ALS for Advanced Life Support (paramedic) or BLS for Basic Life Support (EMTs). There is even some that are used more for humor than real treatment, like CATS (Cut all to shit) FUBAR (duh), and DFO (done fell out). All of these are hammered into our brains from the first day of EMT school and they are repeated over and over through out our career. Its so when you get a fucked up patient you can quickly assess the situation and treat your patient. One of the first drilled into our head are the ABCs. Stands for Airway, Breathing, Circulation. These are the first three things that a medic needs to make sure your patient has. An Open Airway so that your patient can Breath so that they do not lose their Circulation (or pulse/ blood pressure) This comes immediately after your scene survey. It is the beginning because if your patient does not have those three things your patient will die.

So fast forward to me, last night, on a scene of an MVA (motor vehicle accident), Roll-over ejection, then run over by an unsuspecting commuter just driving down the freeway. We were called for mutual aid for another EMS system. They were there first. The patient was already on a LSB (long spine board) with a C-Collar around his next. He is unconscious and most moving. His Airway is filled with blood, and his Breathing is irregular and gurgling. The Medic from the other system is standing over him, screaming orders at the FD (fire department) and her EMT partner. I walk up to her and calmly ask "What do you need?" This after I see this man fighting to breath through the blood filled airway. The medic looks at me and barks "I need a cravat!!" (a cravat is a triangle shaped bandage used to splint arms and shoulders and is sometime also used as a make-shift restraint)
Now she needs a cravat like she needs a hole in the head. So just thinking ahead I give her a "what the fuck" look and ask "D you have a BVM (bag valve Mask, u)sed to assist ventilations) and an O2 tank?" She, flustered, gives me "What!?, BVM...uh...Yeah...Its in the bag...But really I NEED A CRAVAT!" and she then runs up to her truck I guess looking for a cravat. Leaving me standing by this barely breathing patient. I look through the bag on the road next to him, which happens to be a trauma bag, not an airway bag. No O2 or BVM to be found. She then returns to the patient with a cravat and ties his hands together with it. Well THANK GOD we got that done, can we NOW manage the Airway? Apparently not. He get swept up, placed on the stretcher and rushed off the the back of their ambulance, still gurgling without O2, without an open airway without suction, but he does finally have a cravat.

Now I am not saying that I am a brilliant Medic, who knows everything, with pristine medicine. I am by no means a ParaGod. I am just a simple medic. And I am not one to question another Medic's treament or medicine. Every one goes it thier own way. But like any job thier is a standard of care. Thats where the acronyms come in. It keeps everything easy and in the right order. But it is in no way carved in stone. Some medics get vitals before the SAMPLE history. Some load the pateint in the truck before doing a secondary survey. But no matter what the ABCs come first, you do this while walking up to the patient. You can assess these things before even laying a hand on the patient. Paramedicine is not hard medicine. Its cookbook. A trained monkey could almost do this job. Its made simple because a medic must be able to think on their feet, make quick decisions that could mean getting a live patient to the ER, not a dead one. Its hard work to keep a cool head in the middle of an emergency. One just has to remember the first LAW of EMS. IT'S NOT YOUR EMERGENCY.

Xterra

Working at breakneck speed for long hours is beginning to wear me down. Xterra, Xterra, Xterra. I have spent almost two weeks straight in a uniform for at least 12 hours a day. Xterra, Xterra, Xterra. I havent even bought a CD or DVD in at least a month, Xterra, Xterra, Xterra. I beginning to go through withdraws. I think the people at the local music store are going to forget my name and I will no longer get my "family discount". Diffrent priorities I guess, Less music, more new car right? I can give up one addiction, right? Well techniclly two.

I can't sleep, what a suprise. And on top of that I can't quit sneezing. So I sit up typing and watching Sex and the City. Taking a break from my normal late night insommnia routine of CSI: and a bottle of wine. So it's SATC and diet coke with lime. SInce I have to work in the AM I had to do the diet coke in lieu of the wine.

I am the ride

It was a long 36 hours. I worked all night, all day and then all night again. This earning extra money for a down payment on a new Xterra is really beginning to wear me down. But I trudge on with a picture of an Xterra on my bathroom mirror so that I'm reminded why I have been killing myself for the past month. I came home this AM and immediately crashed. I stayed down until almost 3 o'clock this afternoon. Was awakened by my roommates cat using my belly as a trampoline. That and the crashing that was my curtains on my bedroom window collapsing on the floor. They were just rigged up there anyways. I was warned that this job is a hard one. Sleepless nights, the death and sickness, the stupidity of people. My roommate tells me that I save lives. I always remind her that I don't really save them, for the most part I spend my days postponing the inevitable. I have been in EMS for close to three years, I can count on one hand how many lives I have ACTUALLY saved. Yes we can keep our patients alive for the 15 minutes we have them. I can CPAP a CHFer, I can administer Epinephrene to a child on anaphalytic shock, I can give Nitroglycerine to a man having an MI, I can lessen the pain of a Car crash victim with Morphine, but I cannot open a chest to give internal compressions, xray a neck to see it its broken, cat scan a head to know if the stroke is ischemic or hemorrhaging or thread an angiocath to clean a blocked blood vessel. I am the ride.

MIs and Crazy bitches

I was a busy 24 hours. We had 9 calls, only one really and truly needed an ambulance. He was an older gentleman mowing the grass in the hot South Carolina heat and began having chest pain. He had a long cardiac history, so my partner and I loaded him calmly in the ambulance and hooked him up to the monitor. Normal Sinus without ectopy, the 12 lead EKG showed the same. Nothing jumped out, no elevation in any of the leads. Now just a quick explanetion to my non medical people reading this. Normal Sinus is a normal heart tracing, ectopy is any unusal beats, like a PVC ( premature ventricualr contraction). And elevation on a 12 lead is elevation in the ST segment of a heartbeat. A Heartbeat is sperated into several segment. PQRST. the firts little bump is the P-wave which leads into the QRS that big pointy part of the beat and the last little bump is the T-wave. If there is Elevation in between the S and T wave it means basicly the patient is having a "cardiac event" or possible a heart attack (or Myocardial Infarction). If it depressed it means the Patient has already had an MI and it shows Cardiac tissue damage. Now a 12 lead EKG is like several cameras taking several diffrent pictures of the heart at diffrent angles at the same time. So there might be elevation in some pictures and not others. So not only can I tell that my patient is have an MI, but I can also tell where in the heart my patient is having one. This is hard to explain really w/o a picture of some sort and if one is so inclined check out Emergency EKG.com for further information. Okay back to story at hand...So we took a quiet ride to the hospital, gave the Nitrogylcerine, the asprin (yess the commercials on TV are true Asprin can help save your life during a Heart Attack) the oxygen. And dropped him off with the nurses at the ER. We came back a few hours later to find our that our patient had had an Inferior MI. Now that is just proof of everything our Med control Doctor drill into our brains at every inservice every month. "Just because you don't SEE the MI, does not mean your patient in NOT HAVING the MI. Treat every chest pain patient as if they are having the BIG ONE."

We also had a compleatly out of her head patient, who keep yelling and cussing at us. She kept screaming that the police "attacked her" and that my partner has assaulted her, which of course is not true. As I sat in the back with her she kept flinging herself areound the back of the box, refusing to let me touch her, eventhough she kept screaming That I was not doing a fucking thing. I should be "Like, doing a fucking physical exam or something!" Well you nutjob, I would if you would let me. But everytime I tried to talk she would scream "RAPE!" at me (I'm a female Medic, so I get the joy of riding in the lunatic females) so I just gave up at let her continue to scream nonsense and cuss. Now when I encodeed the hospital, she was still carrying on so I basiclly encoded softly, keeping the mike keyed up, so that the receiving hospital could hear the comotion going on the background. And then They asked me if HER VITAL SIGNS WERE STABLE?! I told them I think so by how many times she had dropped the F-bomb on me. I heard a chuckle from the staff and they told me to bring her on in. She then proceeded to scream Rape at the ER doc, then throwing a tray at the nurse.

I dont have the patience to think of a creative title

I just got home from the bar enjoying three gin and tonics with two of my closest friends. Three is a good number, buzzed just enough to be happy, not drunk enough to have a killer hangover in the morning. So I spent the day today cleaning my mess of an apartment. Taking two bags worth of crap to the local Goodwill. Five loads of laundry and about 412 coathangers later I can now see the floor of my living space. So now at 3am Im waiting for my last laod to dry. A load that includes all my sheets and blankets so I can go to bed until they are done. Now I do have several sets of sheets. However I have a touch of OCD and since they nolonger match the color scheme of my bedroom I can not but them on my bed. Plus several months ago I broke down an bought 400 count sheets, so 180 count sheets feel like sleeping on wallpaper. I even bought 350 count sheets for my bed at the station because I could not stand the sheets on the beds there. My partners think I'm nuts, however I like what I like. Judge me I dare you.

So I have had three days off instead of the standard 48 hours. Its because of the move. I'm not only going to a diffrent truck but to a diffrent shift. So instead of being at work tommorrow...or today technically I have another day off. So I guess I'll go to the gym...or not..whatever

100 things about me.

I have seen all these 100 things about me list. I like a challenge so I get here goes...

1. I live in SC
2. I have 1 sister who is in college
3. My parents are still married to each other
4. I have 1 roommate
5. I have a tail-less cat, well it's technically my roommates cat but whatever
6. I really don't like cats
7. I'm more of a dog person
8. I work as a paramedic
9. I love my job
10. But my real passion in life is photography
11. I got my associates degree in graphic design and photography
12. Paramedic school was the hardest time in my life
13. I have only questioned my line of work once
14. And the call the made me question it changed me forever
15. I don't believe I can save everyone, but I will damn well try
16. Math was and still is my worse subject
17. I can't spell either
18. I can restrain a combative person in less than 3min.
19. I'm claustrophobic and somewhat afraid of heights
20. But I'm on the technical rescue team, which deals with high angle and confined space rescue
21. My longest relationship lasted 90 days...They all last a max of 90 days
22. I have a theory that When it comes to my relationships, You are either on the 90 day plan, or the best friends forever plan
23. I have had the same 4 best friends since High school
25. And we all resemble a character on "Sex and the City"
26. I am Carrie with a Samantha twist
27. I can rattle off all the doses of all the drugs we carry in our systems drug box
28. And I can tell you exactly how many 4x4s we carry on the ambulance(75)
29. CSI is my favorite show on TV. I have all of them on DVD. Both LV and Miami and I can watch them over and over
30. I have a music addiction. I have about 500-600 CDs
31. I also have a bookshelf full of DVDs, ranging from "Finding Nemo"-"Fight Club"
32. My favorite movies are fight Club, Empire Records, Dazed and confused, To Kill a Mockingbird, and Garden state. I watch them over and over
33. I am also an avid reader. I have two bookshelves full of books
34. My mother is the most caring woman I've ever know, she has the patience to put up not only with me, but my father and sister
35. My Father is the smartest man I know. He can explain anything to me in a language I can understand
36. My sister is smarter than me
37. But I'm more creative
38. I paint when I'm angry and listen to Rage against the machine when I paint
39. I am the oldest child
40. I drink and tend to use the word "Fuck" excessively
41. I do not believe in organized religion
42. But do I believe in God and have faith that I am living by His plan
43. I do not like people who push their beliefs on me
44. I HATE the question "What's the worse thing you have ever seen?" when I tell people I'm a paramedic.
45. I don't sleep very well at night
46. I have chronic migraines that I take several medications for everyday
47. I have no patience for over dramatic bitches on calls
48. But I can fake compassion really well
49. Most of my friends are good looking guys That I see more as brothers than dating material
50. I have my wedding planned out in my head
51. But I don't know if I will ever get married (see # 21,22)
52. I have seen Dave Matthews band 5 times live
53. I have only feared for my life once. It was at Woodstock 99
54. My crazy patients love me. I think it's because I can relate to them
55. On the nights I don't sleep I watch forensic shows on A&E and Court TV for hours
56. I also call my mother who works nights at a local ER
57. Several nurses at the trauma center I used to work in think I should take up Forensic Photography for the Coroner's Office
58. Death no longer scares me
59. I have two tattoos. Both I drew, One a tribal design inbetween my shoulders and a cadusas on my lower back. I have two more drawn, the Irish words for artist and to heal
60. The TV character I relate to the most I think, is Abby on NCIS
61. I read can books over and over even though I know the ending if I like them
62. I'm a Scorpio, and have some of the characteristics of a typical Scorpio
63. I went to Mardi Gras last year and New Orleans holds a certain place in my heart
64. I have only flown on an airplane twice, once to Boston and once to New Orleans
65. I had a breast reduction three years ago. I went from a size E to a C
66. I am an excellent liar, but I save that skill for when I really need to use it
67. I don't understand why I have 12 supervisors
68. But I respect all of them
69. I can get frustrated easily
70. I tend to throw things when I get angry
71. I tend to speed and have gotten pulled over many times because of it , but (knock on wood) I have never gotten a ticket
72. I named my car, iPod, computer and camera ( Ginger Shanequia, Lola, Gidgit, and Julia respectively)
73. I'm a mess. My co workers and friends tell me that they know where I have been because I leave a trail. Much like Pigpen from the Peanuts comic
74. I can only cook like four things ( spaghetti sauce, fried shrimp, rosemary garlic chicken, and a mean bean salsa)
75. My guy friends girlfriends for the most part don't like me, and I have no idea why
76. I don't like bananas or artichoke, or asparagus
77. But everything else is free game
78. My friends call me a Music Snob. I will discover an off the hook band and in approach. 6 months the band will blow up. And I always say " I heard them first, damnit!"
79. I learned to swim when I was 3
80. I am in the middle of saving money for a new car ( Xterra), but my CD, DVD addictions make saving really challenging
81. I hate having my photograph taken
82. I do not understand why Pink Floyd is such a remarkable band. Their music puts me to sleep
83. But I think Jimi Hendrix was a bad ass and Led Zepplin is amazing
84. I own a few CDs that I have never listened to, or even opened
85. Same for a few DVDs
86. I wanted to be Annie Leibovitz when I grew up
87. I still haven't grown up
88. I still get choked up when I hear "What if God was one of us". It was the first song I heard after I learned my grandmother had died
89. I do not cry at movies
90. (ten more to go) One of my favorite photos from my childhood is the one of me and my dad at my parent's wedding. I was two.
91. I respect my dad more than most daughters I think, because he raised me as his own, with no questions asked.
92. I have absolutely no desire to find my real father. I have no use for him. I have a dad. And he will always be known as daddy.
93. My best friend saved me in High school, she helped me find myself which gave me the confidence I so desperatly needed at that time in my life
94. I have held a human heart in my hands, I also helped it to start beating again.
95. I pray silently for my patients who are dying when I know I can't save them no matter what I do
96. I talk to myself sometimes
97. I get nervous when I encode hospitals or have to do a refusal with a supervisor on the EMS radio
98. I also get nervous during practical exams for my job. I break out into hives. It's not that I don't know what to do its that I'm being watched.
99. I don't like to talk on the phone
100. (Fhew...done) I believe that my life is full and complete. I am happy.

Flat tires suck

I got off work this AM after a fairly uneventful shift of weak and dizzy, and Unconscious in a car to a flat tire. I got out of the parking lot of the county building I work in before I relized it. It was a bit of a delayed reaction. Like I felt the car driving funny, yet it didn;t register until I was out of the parking lot. So I first called my supervisor who was at the station I just left and then my father. My supervior helped me change my tire, well I mostly watched as he changed my tire. I then drove home very slowly because the donut I was driving on made it hard to steer. Once at home I unloaded the 12 gallons of water that was in my trunk. Yess 12 gallons, It was left over from the hurricane scare and according to EMS policy I needed 3 days worth of food water and clothing. So I had went to the local Walmart and picked up H2O for both me and my roommate. Anyways I figured I would get out of the hot uncomfortable uniform and take a shower before I took my car to the tire place. So it was about 0930 when I arrived at the tire store. I was greeted cheerfully and took myplace among the masses also waited for their car to be released back to them. I was told it would take about an hour. So I sat quietly in the corner read my book and waited...and waited...and waited...and then waited some more. 3 hours later I was told my car was finished. Free of charge. With a rose on my seat. So I feel I could not complain about the time I waited. Even though I was exsausted from having just gotton off work and almost fell asleep several times in the waiting area. I was almost the asshole.

My reality show

There is a new show in MTV called "the reality show" It shows a bunch of fucking weirdos who are competing to get their life on TV. So my roommate and I were watching this discussing that our lives are really aren;t really very interesting. I think the only thing in my life worth sharing with the entire world is my job. I then could educate the MTV generation that EMS is not a taxi service. Then again who wants to watch me try and communicate with a deaf 75 year old who summonded an ambulance because he can't shit. And he just keeps yelling "I can't poop!' over and over again...Very loudly. So my life is not that fascinating. It basically boring with small interjecting of excitement. Maybe my driving could be considered an adrenaline rush. Several mailboxes in my neighborhood has felt the rath of the gold 'rolla....Or the other way around. The mailboxes happen to be made of some sort of metal know only to NASA and have taken chunks of paint and metal off my poor unsuspecting 'rolla. My poor car has become a running joke with my circle of friends...And some of my partners. The peeling paint on the front bumper from where a deer ran into my car on a trip back from ATL, the gouges of missing paint from the mailboxes, and the cracked front headlight from a retard hit me when the city of Charleston messed up on the planning of the annual Christmas tree erecting by completely blocking an intersection of two one way streets. I guess it come from driving a huge three ton truck. A truck that I am able to break all kinds of traffic laws to maneuver my way through the streets of Chas in.

In other news...I am moving yet again. I get bounced around more than a tennis ball. A new truck, a new partner. At least this new partner is one that I can stand to be in the same room with. And I won't get looked down on because I'm not "Christian" enough because I drink and say the word "fuck" occasionally.

Well it looks as if Ophelia is going north of us to hit NC/SC border. Thank god, not to whine, but I was not looking forward to spending three days in an uncomfortable uniform in a small station with my holy roller partner. It would be okay if I myself believed in organized religion, but I do not. I do not feel as if a bunch of judgmental assholes that made fun of me during Conformation classes when I was 14 because I was one of two students who went to public school could teach me anything about faith. (Oh heaven forbid! I didn't pay thousands of dollars a year to have a bunch of nuns teach me algebra.) You either believe or you don't, I don't need to go to church every Sunday to know that He is real. I have complete faith in the fact that there is a higher power out there, but is He really watching me rock out in my car while driving to work in the morning? He has got to have better things to do in the morning. So dealing with my partner who is one of those non-denomination church types, like on the church channel, Can get somewhat tedious. Especially being a foul mouth ex-skateboarder punk ass like myself. Every Sunday morning that he is at work we get to enjoy the Christian Music, not like hymns, but that stand up and "Praise Jesus" music. And it is played very loudly. Which is fine, however he did not ask if it bothered me. What if I was a devout Jew? What if it did bother me? What would happen if I played Rage Against the Machine and Tool as loud as I wanted every say Tuesday morning? It not that he isn't a nice guy and a decent medic. He little bit of a "freaker". A little bit high strung on calls. But the best I can do is stay calm, so that he stays calm. I think he is still trying to figure out his place as a Senior Crew Chief of an entire medic unit. Just as I will be when I get my promotion as a crew chief. You just do the best you can and learn from mistakes, not only that you make, but the medics around you. We all make them. We all have weaknesses and we all have strenths. The thing you have to know is that you have them and work on them.
I have talked to my scheduling supervisor. And she completely understands my point. That and me being a naturally night person, I really need to be on a 12 hour night shift. She is working on it or so she tells me.

my hurricane

So I knew this was coming. A small hurricane is now threating my coastline in SC. So Im now getting prepared to spend the next three days weathering the storm at my EMS station. The County has put all emergency workers on alert, me included. I have to go today and brave the local Wal-Mart for my supplies to last me several days. This storm is no Katrina and the damage expected is going to be small in comparison. But we too, like New Orleans,are below sea level. And I can tell you downtown Charleston floods when a small thunderstorm drops rain on us at the wrong time (say high tide). We have to special order our ambulances so that the chasis and box are about 4in higher to help fight the flooding that happens around the hospitals in downtown Charleston. But Im not worrried about this storm. I will gather my supplies and truge off to my station tommorow .

So I'm continuing to be glued to CNN watching all the Hurricane Coverage. I sit and I watch wanting to help. They have sent several Medics from our service who are members of the DMAT team. I wanted so bad to be able to go with them. Of course my father would have fought tooth and nail to keep me from going. But instead I'm here in my air-conditioned home with clean running water and electricity. Now I am on call with several other medics here along with ER doctors, RNs EDTs, surgeons waiting for the evacuees to arrive here in Charleston. According to the PTB (Powers that Be) Charleston was supposed to recieve up to 1600 people for the gulf states for medical attention yesterday, however PTB sent them to Charleston, West Virgina, instead of here. So now we are expecting them tommorrow. So I will stand by my phone and wait for the call. So that I can do something to help these people. I feel that since my broke ass can't afford to donate money, I can donate my time. I can use my emergency medical skills to help.

To my fellow first responders...Good luck

Canal Street from My Hotel

I tend to bitch a lot...About work...The weather...My partner. But this week I was reminded that things could always be worse. I have been glued to my TV, watching the images coming out of New Orleans and other Gulf Cities in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I feel for all of the cities, however NO holds a special place in my heart for I had lost my Mardi Gras virginity to the city this past February. I spent almost a week wandering around the city armed with my trusty Nikon. I wandered down Bourbon Street the first night with my camera sharing my neck along with strands of plastic jewel toned beads and thick feather boas, enjoying everything the French Quarter had to offer. We stayed in a hotel on Canal Street over looking the parade route. For almost a week I went through the open air markets, ate Muffalatas from Central Grocery, gumbo from the street vendors and drank Hurricanes (the drink, not the storm) from Pat O'briens. We celebrated the conclusion of the Endymion Parade at the Superdome in formal "grown-up" style. (my cousin rides in the parade every year)
I spent my last day in the Garden District taking shots of the grand homes and cemeteries.


Bourbon Street


So I watch from my station in SC were I work, dry and cooled by AC, glad I'm not there; but still part of me wants to be there helping with the rescues. I watch as my fellow trained first responders pluck people from the rooftops of the waterlogged homes. I watch the evacuation of the Superdome, a place that not so long ago I stood with a bottle of Southern Comfort jumping up and down to the music of Cowboy Mouth with my neck weighted down with thousands of beads. I saw an arieal shot of ambulances lined up on an overpass waiting for the order to go in. I wish their was more my trained hands could do. However, I feel that a disaster like this would push me to my breaking point. The scenes from the Gulf state have brought back memories to my co workers here in Charleston of Hugo. The old timers that were here during that storm recite their stories, of the destroyed shelters, of the storm serge, of the mass evacuation of the flooded ERs as if it just happened. I listen and wonder if I would be able to keep myself together during a storm. I started his job with the thought in the back of my mind that I would not be able to evacuate with the rest of my family. That I would be stationed in the shelters to ride out the storm.


Garden District


I wish the best to the cities devastated by the Hurricane. I wish the best of luck to my fellow Medics, EMTs, and Fire/ Rescue personnel.

oh screw this

I was off today. Did much of nothing. Except I did find two dresses for my aunts wedding this weekend. I was able to get a 120 dollar dress for...wait...13 dollars, yes thats right 13...1-3. was I ever happy. So shopping was very fulfilling. Then I had lunch/dinner with my mother after a wonderful day of laid-back of doing nothing. So now I can spend more money on shoes, one of my other addictions, for the wedding. And I'm also the photographer for the wedding. So Stress, what? This is because the grooms daughter, my new cousin, is a professional photographer. I have seen her work and it is unbelievable. However fine art. Very diffrent from my style, which is very photojournalistic. But still unfuckingbelievable. But my aunt asked me. Now my aunt is a bit of a perfectionist so I'm now under a microscope. And if kinda stresses me out.

Slow down, chill out

My partner drives me nuts. I still don;t understand why the supervisor who does the schedule puts two people together who never mesh and when she mistakingly give you a partner you love and work well together she splits you up. EMS is not supposed to be fun! what was I thinking!? Now I'm just bitching. But he does drive me crazy. He forgets sometimes that it's NOT his emergency. And does everything half-assed. Restocking, check off, station duties. If you not going to do it right, I'd rather you not do it. AHHHgh! Anyways, other than that it's been a slow shift. four calls. Only one of any note was the one at 430 this am. Gunshot wound (or GSW if you want to sound like us) to the head and chest. I can't say much due to it being an open investigation and this being a public forum, Just that it was a big ol mess. We RSI (see further posts for info on RSI) him because though he was leaking grey matter out of the large hole in his head he still had a gag reflex and purposeful movement. And we quickly transported him to the Trauma Center. As of 500 he was still alive.

Has it been a slow news day? Why is the Today show doing a report on "girl crushes" WTF?

argh...stop! Sleep!

I can't sleep. And I have to be up at o'dark thirty for work in the am. I have even taken my nighttime meds for my migraines, which are supposed to help me sleep, however they are not working. So Now I sit, typing, listening to Sarah Mclachlan and watching CSI: DVDs. I have a serious ADD problem. Maybe if I just cut all the crap off my mind will quit racing and I might actually get sleep. But most likley I will just lay in the dark with my thoughts, wide awake.

the first 48

So I figured it out. If its not hot as fuck here, its pouring ass raining. either way it makes my job miserable. My relief called out yesterday, which in turn forced me to stay at work for 48 hours. 48 fucking hours...at work...in the rain. And of course people can't stay on the raod when it's raining, they must flip their car over in a ditch, which because its been raining, is full of mud up to my eyeballs so that I must wade out to them to help them. My first call of the day yesterday was just that. This poor kid jack-knifed his truck on a busy highway and ended up upside-down in a ditch with a broken leg. Now I will give him credit, he did extricate himself from the wreakage, kudos to him, however he could only get as far as the middle of the ditch before he passed out from the pain of having a mangled leg. So I'm up to my knees in mud trying to put him on a spine board, which kept sinking in the mud, and it was still raining. So now I'm covered in mud and soaking wet. When we got him to the hospital the doctor asked "is it raining still Outside?" No fucker I took a bath in the mud pit before I came. I love my job. However this was the only fun I had for two days. The rest was chest pain since friday, my child is blowing spit bubbles, and I can't feel the side of my face after smoking pot. Who taught these people that 911 was a taxi service downtown? I don;t know about you people, but I was taught growing up you didn't call an ambulance for toe pain, unless your fucking toes were falling off one by one. I was told dead or dying you call and ambulance, in otherwords, an EMERGENCY. Not paranoia from smoking to much weed.

Baby sis moves on

I helped my baby sister move into the dorm today. She starts college classes on Tuesday. I have spent the last week trying to keep my mother from crying ever time she calls because their "Baby is moving out" and my father from making excuses to try and keep her home. I don't remember all this drama when I moved out. However I was the oldest and they still had my sister to coddle and protect from the Big Bad Real World. As I moved her in I was a bit jealous, I did not have the college experience that all my friends had. I graduated from the local Tech School with a degree in Graphic Design and Photography, I did not go to "real college" as in dorm life and rush week. I got into Art school after getting my degree, however I was working the the ER and found that a bit more interesting. I felt I could not make a living with my true passion of photography, so I joined the ranks of EMS. But sometimes I feel a bit left out when my cohorts speak of dorm mates and trying to make it to class with a hangover. (most of my classes were luckily at night)

Not to say I regret anything, had I went to Art School, I would have ended up in some cubicle in front of a computer screen designing logos, instead of behind the wheel of an ambulance racing across town to and from whatever emergency is going on. I would not have the life changing experiences that I can now claim. I would not have held a man's heart in my hands keeping him alive while the skilled surgeon stitched the hole in his heart up. And with this job I can afford to stay behind my camera without the worry of having to shoot lame weddings to keep me in shelter and clothing. I can shoot what I love, not what I have to.

Im just a girl...

It was hot as fuck today. And I spent most of the day on the top of a 5 story fire tower for Technical Rope rescue training. High angle rescue and confined space. This in a city where the tallest building can't be taller than highest church steeple. But still I train in the heat, with the boys. I felt like such a girl today though. About halfway through training I quit sweating and began to see double. This while being dangled three stories above the ground. I almost didn't go over the edge. I looked at the boys and kept saying " I can;t do this" However they basically told me its too late and that I could do it. SO I went over the edge. I had a "patient" in the stokes basket who's airway I was supposed to manage by swinging the basket in front of me and slinging my legs up to straddle the head of the basket. Try doing that in the early stages of heat exhaustion and with limited lower body strands. The boys don't realize sometimes that I have a little less body mass and strenth than they do. To them I'm just one of them. I'm not to proud to admit it, Sometimes I play like a girl. I just kept looking up at the two that were leaning over the edge yelling down to me "Put the rope in between your legs and step up into the loop to flip the basket over" and "Use your legs to fling yourself up onto the head" Of course I'm dizzy by this time and just layed down in my harness, closed my eyes and centered myself. As I began to gather my strenth my "patient" asked me if I was okay. "yup", then sat up and used everything I had left to maneuver around the head. That took everything out of me. As soon as I hit the ground I ran to the air conditioned truck and fought of the waves of nausea. I felt like such a weak girl. I know they don't judge me, But I still feel inadequate.

What is this handbasket...and where are we going?

I had a pretty uneventful day. Had the internal conflict of "should I go to the gym?" The gym eventually won out after my sister came by to go with me. Then we went to dinner, had grilled mahi which was tasty. While watching CSI:Miami DVDs, realized That I had to go to work tomorrow. I'm somewhat tired of the daily ins and outs of EMS. Yesterday at work I got fussed at for having one report in my Inbox and the fact I missed 3 linen savers and 4 fill needles on morning check-off the shift before. Apparently the crew after me did a check-off and had three pages of missing stuff. When I went back over the list they made, it was basically three pages of the same 12 things. 9 of which was already on the discrept board. I did get to work with a different crew chief yesterday also. Very chill dude. Unlike my normal partner who is nice, but a bible beating "real men love Jesus" Type. I'm not. I being a foul mouthed artist punk ass heathen, I always feel like I am forever being judged as Satan's spawn. I slipped up the shift before and said "fuck" twice and "Goddamn" once. I am now bound for the fiery depths of hell ( what is this handbasket...and where are we going?) My pld partner told me he's saving me a place in that handbasket. So my temp CC, Like me an ex-punk with a tendency to be accident prone. Also had some very entertaining stories about being a redneck punk ass from Tennessee. So we spent the day discussing BMX, skateboarding and comparing scars.

The cat

So my roommate's cat is dying. The 20 year old cat. The 20 year old cat the liked to pee on my clean clothes and bathmat. I don't like the cat, however I will not speak badly of the dying. I Am trying my best to support my roommate through this. It's not everyday that one must make the decision to put a beloved pet down. And not being able to help the sick cat makes me feel a little helpless. Being that I can save the life of a crack-head human, but I can't do anything to treat the cat. I know cats are a bit different that humans (duh), but I still feel terrible. I watch her sit with her cat, talking to her, saying her goodbyes. If I was an emotional person I would cry. But the death and sickness I see everyday has harden me.

Recreational crack smoking

I spent the last 48 hours in uniform. The last few days has been steaming hot and being in a polyester uniform is the last thing I want to be in. Even the EMS "PJs" is a polyester jumpsuit. If you were the light me on fire I would burst into flames. However it has been a slow few hours. Only running about 5 calls in 48 hours. Not to bad. One being a 56 year old man who began having chest pain at 0300 because he had been smoking crack cocaine for the last six hour prior to calling us. He was otherwise a very nice man. Not a violent crack smoker, just a recreational user. I just told him on the ride to "Quit smoking that shit, it fucks with your heart and kidneys" He told me he'd stop, but they never do. It;s just wasted breath.

So my days off consisted of the usual pro and con fight of going to the gym and errand running. I did spend about three hours in the darkroom developing old negatives from FB. Then spent the rest of the night in the bar fighting the urge to drink myself into oblivion. I ran into an old friend of mine who about a year ago was a very smart wonderful biology major who has now turned into the guy that lives on your sofa.

Swerving around the interstate

Home sweet home. After spending two days in ATL, which was just an excuse to leave SC and all the problems that I'm dealing with back home. Plus I got to see my wonderful cousins, who basically I can Call anytime and say I'm coming to ATL and they don't think twice. Spent the weekend drinking and then fighting a killer hangover. However a good time had by all. That is until the drive home. FromATL to Augusta it was sheeting rain. I couldn't see two feet in front of me anf then doing a 360 in the middle I-20 was enough for me. So as soon as I regained traction I slid off the side of the road and sat for almost an hour waiting for the rain to let up. Never had I been so Scared...Okay The riot during Woodstock 99 still ranks number one, however doing a high speed 360 in the middle of the interstate ranks up there.

Calm death, Calm Save

I just got off a 36 hour shift. First call of the long shift was a full arrest in the parking lot of a gas station. Here were are three medics, fire department, and several sheriff deputies in a parking lot in rural Carolina trying our best to save a man that has long been passed. However not showing any signs, like levity and rigor. So we work him. CPR, intubation, Epinephrine, Atropine, Amiodarone and a myriad of other drugs in our arsenal. We work him for 45 mins hoping for something, but like the many before him he is just practice for the "real" arrest. The one we can save. The one that has a chance. I have had three in my career. One a 20 year old overdose, a witnessed EMS arrest. Another a 37 year old that was also a witnessed arrest that we were able to shock back to a pulse. Early in my career I asked why we work the unsaveable. The answer I got was they are Practice to the real one, the one that is able to be saved. Not everyone lives, not everyone dies. Sometime we can save them and that makes all the stress, this unthankable job worth having. No humor during this shift. Just the sick and stupid calling for help. So we answer with a smile and a kind word, making sure that the stupid don;t realize that we are interally wondering "why the fuck are we here?" and the sick know that I'm there because I want to be there, to help. I love my job even if its a 13 year old with a small laceration to the top of his foot from dropping a glass on it. It's not always adrenaline. Sometimes its just the fact that we are there to calm the frantic mother by explaining that the raspberries the child is blowing is not respiratory distress, but playful child, that makes my night.

I am very excited now. After a year and a half I will be able to get back in a darkroom and developed my own photographs. Oh how i've have missed it. It's such an instant gradification artform. You go into a darkroom... expose a white peice of paper to light and then put this white paper in clear chemicals and viola!...image. I forgot how calming it is in the dark with nothing but you and your own creativity.

beetles, bugs and albino skinks

Worked yesterday. Did nothing really but avoid the heat and the myrid of incsects that live in and around our station. In the ghetto all you have to look out for are "palmetto bugs" or known by everyone esle in the US, roaches, and keep them from crawling in your airway bag. (Southerners like to give pretty names to some nasty stuff.) But out in the marshlands where I am working now there are all kinds of buzzing, chirping, flying six legged creatures all over the place. Bugs I have never even seen bfore. I found a very large irridencent beetle under the desk in the office and whn I accidently disturbed it from its slumber it came alive and chased me around the station for a good 5 minutes. I also had a run-in with what I later discovered was an Albino Skink after going out into the bays and there was a 6 inch pink slithery thing with alligator legs curled up in the wheel rim of the ambulance. I screamed so loud that the sheriff deputies that were sitting next door came over with their tasers drawn, to make sure nobody was tring to kill me. My partner thought the whole incident was hilarious. Can you tase a skink? The thing scampered away before we could find out. I think they thought I was nuts. When I tried to explain what I saw to one of the deputies, he said "You just described a 6 inch penis with legs"...Well thats what it looked like.

Whole hell of a lot of stupid

I spent my overtime shift today dealing with stupid. A whole hell of a lot of stupid. It happens I guess, like the 30 y/o that the coast guard had to rescue because he was messing with some pipe on his boat causing it to explode hot steam all over his chest and abdomen. Second degree burns, however simple can still be very painful. On the short ride to the Trauma Center ( the USCG station is across the street from the hospital) he looked at me and asked "Why does it burn so much?"....Well genius, because you exposed your tender skin of your abdomen to a pipe bursting with scaling hot gas, that just my guess. But instead I calmly explained that burns hurt and that there was very good pain medications at the hospital, to which he replied "The hospital? I'm okay, why am I going to the hospital?"
" Because you lost consciousness and you have a large burn across your torso. That's why."
"Oh okay" but I'm okay, why am I going to the hospital"
"because you lost consciousness and have a large burn across your torso and you keep asking me the same questions."
"but I'm okay..." And round and round we go for the entire 5 minutes I had him in my care.
"Can I have Diagnosis for 200 Alex?"
Oh Oh...I know the answer. "What is closed head injury exacerbated by ETOH?"

Then there was the 21 y/o with an attitude. Hey buddy it's not my fault you layed your bike down going 80 and now have 50% less skin in your arms and legs. You should have been wearing long pants. At least he was smart enough to wear a helmet. But don't give me attitude when all I'm trying to do is make you as comfortable as possible. Also don't be stupid and refuse to let us start an IV so the hospital is able to give you Morphine while they clean your wounds. You don't know what pain is until you have had road rash irrigated and cleaned with a scrub brush. That's not bravery, its asinine.

Welcome to my new world

So I've been moved again. Out to the country. I have left the grimy ghetto to the southern marshlands. Clean air and a lot of fucking bugs. I got attacked by a swarm of moths on arrival to the station. There were like hundreds of them. And they fluttered all around me while I unloaded all my crap outta my car. I've now been told I am to work 24 hours and I had to basically had to move in. I had three bags of full of extra uniforms, shoes, books and $179 dollars worth o' stuff from the local Target. It's a bit of a slow truck so I had to bring things to keep me entertained during the time I'm not sleeping. I've been told by numerous people that they have never met anyone who sleeps as much as I do. But that's just because they are not around at 4am when I'm awake. I spend my days studying the back of my eyelids and my nights watching CSI and painting.

Sitting still

What the hell am I going to do with my life? I'm somewhat sick of this city and the people in it. I have this dream of running off to Europe or Australia and leave this god forsaken city behind me. To run away from my life and all the sins that come with it. I keep coming up with these crazy ideas on how I could actually get way with it. To just leave. I could come out of my creative rut and start painting again and sell my work...Or photographs. I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin. I need to move again. I spent most of my childhood watching the white lines of the highway through the window of a U-Haul truck. I've lived in the same city for almost 10 years now and its time to be on the move again. I fell like I'm trying to run through the marshes right now. Stuck and bogged down in the mud. I do the same thing everyday, Sleep, work, sleep, work, drink. If only I had the money to actually leave. I know I'm destined for more than this. More than just being. More than just sitting still. It's time...time to leave...Time to work out everything.

What more is there to say...I'm bored with my life

So I'm playing musical ambulances. I get moved again this weekend and it will put me on a 36 hour shift. The latter 24 hours on a slower truck so hopefully it means more napping than actually doing real work. I knew this job was for me when I found out that napping was allowed during work hours...that and my tendancy for speeding is only slightly frowned upon.

It's been an eventful week of doing nothing. My days off spent sleeping all day and my nights in a haze of alcohol induced trances of staring off. Tried out a new local bar that has huge sofas and excellent $12 martinis. My new favorite a Key Lime Martini with the rim dipped in graham cracker crumbles. Stellar.

32 hours...and counting

I spent most of my day tying not to fall asleep while driving an ambulance. I have been up for 32 hours and counting. I worked all night last night running calls that included a teenage who swallowed 4 grams a crack cocaine and then tried to gnaw his own hand off, this after he shredded a Hard plastic Cervical Collar with his mouthful of gold teeth, and a woman who has had Abdominal pain for three months and decided at 0630 this morning that she needed an ambulance. Lesson learned last night is Crack is wack. I don't think I have even experienced anything that would make me try to chew my digits off my hand. Then after my sleepless night I had to drag my exhausted ass to another Medic Unit to work during the massive celebration of the new bridge the city just built. The city basically shut down for the fireworks display tonight. Boy was this a LONG shift. And it was ended with a guy who fell down a flight of steep steps to a 3ftx3ft boat landing. Did you know that you can fit a six foot supine unconscious man, three firefighters and two medic in a 3x3 ft space? Neither did I until it was proven tonight. And I have to say that the Fire department in this area is the sharpest group of first responders I have ever worked with. They had our patient's airway controlled, intubated and very close to transport by the time we reached them. We basically just had to make sure he had a pulse and was on a long spine board so that we could carry this man up the same flight of stairs that he just fell down. We got our patient to the local Level One Trauma Center for definitive care and then restocked out truck. Then I spent the next hour and a half on paperwork. I was three hours late getting off. As much as I love my job, I hate it. So Now its 0330 and I'm so tired my hair hurts. So exsausted that I can't sleep. I get one day off. And I will spend all next day sleeping. And dodging phone calls from my old partner who will call all day to wake me up. Asshole.

The sick after effects of Gin

It early in the am and I am bored out of my mind. I'm back on night shift which is wonderful. I miss the night. It's alot quieter and less drivers on the road to piss me off. Plus I'm back to my normal Staying up all night and sleeping all day, without having to explain myself. My friends had a party this Sat. and I'm even still feeling the sickning effect of way too much Gin and it's like two day later. Never again...Okay I'm lying to myself. However, still I say it. No More Gin...Very bad. I will keep drinking Gatorade to replenish the electrolytes that I puked up for an entire 24 hours. I have not been that hung over since my paramedic school graduation where I drank 12 apple martinis and proceeded to embarass myself by falling down the street.

Yet another day snatching them back from the jaws...

Yes, I'm leaving him.

I was told that I'm leaving my calm, cool, and collected partner to do to a night shift truck. This sucks. My new partner is a scary medic. Very DWPA (stands for "death with paramedic assistance") But I can't not say much for it against policy to speak badly of co workers. Damn the man. But I will say I am not looking forward to my next 7 shifts. However it's just seven shifts, that's like 84 hours and if you subtract the 4 hours need for me to be off for a wedding I shooting it's only 80 hours. I can stand 80 hours. I can be very patient. (okay I'm just trying to convince myself...Damn...Not working)

So I had another unconscious on the sidewalk. This time he was breathing. Always a good start, patient is breathing...Check...Patient has a pulse...Check...Patient smells of Wild Irish Rose...Check...Airway, breathing, circulation...All intact. At least his drunk buddy didn't poke him a stick. He just hung back watching us work. So we get this guy backboarded and into the back of the ambulance. He's got shallow breathing and pinpoint pupils...Ah light bulb! Could it be? An overdose? So I gave some Narcan...No such luck patient is still unconscious. So next in my little bag of medical tricks, Dextrose AKA sugar water. Score! Man's blood glucose level was 21, almost 80 below what it should be. 25g later I have my patient waking up quite nicely, still highly intoxicated, but able to talk, not clearly mind you, but still. I worked my magic and saved yet another from the iron jaws of death. My mother should be so proud.

bitch...bitch...bitch

I have ordered the Fourth season of CSI on DVD from Amazon. Well a used DVD. From some son of a bitch that had a false email and won't send me my stuff. And whoever this person keeps changing the arrive by date so I can't get my money from Amazon. Fucker. Slick... But a fucker.

Also my roommate's 20 year old cat is pissing me off. I came home from the grocery store today with my bedroom door open. Now, I never leave my door open because the goddamn cat will go into my room a piss on all my stuff. I am a bit of a messy person and I have have several piles of clothes on the floor of my bedroom. You know, like a clean pile. Dirty pile, and funky pile. And this fucking cat thinks that a pile of CLEAN clothes is her litterbox. She also like to pee on the bathmat. And when I told my roommate to keep her goddman cat out of my room because the cat pissed all over a pile of clothes I just got out of the dryer, her response was "oh." and then she didn't speak to me the rest of the day. Like she was pissed that I told her that her incontinent cat has taken a liking to my pile of clean clothes... That were in my room... On my floor. She once told that "she wouldn't pee on your stuff if you would put it away" WHAT! It's my goddamn room. I should be able to keep anything I damn well please on the floor of my own bedroom. I fucking pay rent too. I can't sit out in the common area because the entire rest of the house smells like a damn litter box. I do understand that the cat doesn't like to use the litterbox because being the kind cat owner that my roommate is doesn't change the litter box but only once a month. Yes, once a month, that means not only does her room smell like cat piss, so does the entire apartment. It's also my reason number two that I keep my bedroom door shut. It keeps the stench that is the maggot infested cat box out of my personal space. I find all of this completely repulsive to the point that come November when my lease is up, I leaving her and her damn cats to fend for themselves.

Folly's tree

Folly's tree
Originally uploaded by strange little girl 190.

I have no idea how this peice of driftwood came to be like this. It stood over nine feet and was buried in the sand

No life or death today, just nothing.

I spent most of my day off internally debating the pros and cons of getting up and going to the gym. The con list eventually won out so I stayed home and shopped for shoes over the internet. Mr Steve Madden and Chinese Laundry got a large chunk of my paycheck today. It was storming most of the day anyway so it put a bit of a damper on my regular day off schedule that includes taking my camera out to take a few shots and going to the beach to burn my fair irish skin. I did stretch a few canvases, however that took much more energy than I planned to use today and I lost my interest to paint. It was late in the afternoon, after my nap, that I decided to at least take a shower. I probaly should be more motivated to do more things on my days off. But why? I spend my days working way to hard doing back breaking work, putting myself at all kinds of risks for a small wage. And yes, it is a fullfilling job and yes I enjoy it very much, it's just hard work. So I feel that I can spend my off days doing absolutly nothing.

I'm in the process of reading two books (Cat's Cradle and The DaVinci Code) and just bought several new CDs that I have promptly uplaoded onto my iPod. There just is nothing better than laying on the sofa while it rains outside, reading and listing to new music. I have a bit of a music and book addiction anyways. I am told I have an impressive collection of both, many of my friends tend to come over if only to "shop" in my library of both music and books. I guess It's because Music and Writing are two art forms I just cannot excel in so people who can have my upmost respect. A good book can make the whole world dissapear. I never understood why my father would sit at the end of the dining room table for hours on the weakend reading unitl I was older with a reall big girl job. Its a realese form the harsh reality of the world. ANd let me tell you nothing brings reality crashing down on you like than walking into a house crawling with roaches (not palmetto bugs, but nasty trash roaches) and not knowing where to put you gear bags down for fear of renagade bugs crawling into them. I have been in a house that the health department had to BURN TO THE GROUND because of all the animals dead and alive had rendered this house unsuitable for living. This woman had (and I'm not exagerating) 150 cats, 75 dogs, 2 ducks, 4 squrrils, 3 racoons and a rabbit living in her house. The floor had four layers of carpet and it was squishy Dishes in the sink from , if I had to guess, circa 1975. However the most upsetting was a dead cat under the dining room table. The ammonia levels in this house rendered the womans son unconscious which is why we were summonded. After that call was over my partner and I had to but our unit out of service and go get our ammonia and other blood levels checked. And my friends wonder why I drink. And why, pray tell, do I put myself through all this? Two words...KARMA POINTS (Actually, Read my Artist in the Ambulance post and thats the real reason.) I love what I do. I get to drive a three ton truck fully equipted with sirens and an airhorn through rush hour traffic at break-neck speed ( well ten miles over the posted speed limit if my supervior asks). And there just is nothing more fullfilling than receiving a thank you from a patient or patients family. It's a rush that you can't get from any other drug.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said:
Never do anything that you don't want to have to explain to the paramedics"

Live by this rule. We have not heard everything and we reserve the right to make fun of you.

Death on the sidewalk

So today sucked. I woke up this morning pissy, hot, and sweating to the shrill of my alarm. It's always a bad sign when you wake up sweating. It means that it is fucking hot outside, like if the surface of the sun with 98% humidity hot. And I get to put on my polyester blend uniform on. yipee. Although I took a shower, once I stepped outside to go to work at 0930 the shower was null and void. By 0945 when we put our ambulance in service It was 90 degrees outside and 90% humidity. Which according to the weatherman translate into it "feels like 711 degrees" Oh and it the Fourth of July...this is the southern rednecks favorite holiday. "we get to drink all day, then light shit on fire...yeehaaw" Not only was I in no mood to even be at work, neither was my partner. He too was in a fucking pissed off mood from the get go. But here we were two medics sick and tired of the sick and stupid. Our first call was...Well I can't remember anything about it except that it smelled really bad in the back of the truck for like four hours...But our 6th call was a DOA on a sidewalk. It's amazing how clueless some people are. We get called at close to four o'clock for a "Unconscious not alert heat related" Halfway to the call dispatch advises us that this is a possible full arrest. Great. Working a full arrest outside in the sun sounds like just what I wanted to do. On arrival we are greeted by a guy who smells like he fell into a bottle of cheap booze and then ran marathon. "He not moved when I poke at 'em so I call the EMS"
He then took us arounf the corner of the building to a man laying in the middle of the sidewalk. Our patient was not moving and had a few flies buzzing around his head. There was a one legged woman sitting in a wheelchair nearby that identified herself as the patients mother. Now just walking up to this guy it was obvious this guy was no longer of this mortal world and had not been for sometime. according the Wheelchair bound woman He had been laying in the yard since she got home from dialysis at 1030 this morning. She said that she tried to get him to come inside because it was hot outside, but he just laid there. So like any good parent she went inside and So every so 30 mins or so she would go out and check on her "sleeping" son on the front yard. Finally at 3 o'clock the dead mans brother came by and poked at him a few times with a stick. So for like 5 hours this man had been laying there...Dead...On the sidewalk. When we got there the man was stiff, like whole body, can't move the limbs stiff and assuming outside temperature. So there we were two medics, four firemen, three cops and the coroner trying to put the pieces together from information given to us by a drunk and a invalid mother ( who herself was on her last leg...No pun intended) The mother just kept saying "Oh Lord my baby has passed? There ain't nothing you can do? Oh Lord has taken my baby." What can you say to that. He had been there for hours. My partner and I just tried our best to comfort the mother, who I don't think grasped the Idea that her son had died and that was the reason he would not come into the house. I have seen dead in the bed. I have seen dead in the bathroom. I have seen dead in the water, but this was the first dead on the front lawn.

The rest of my shift was uneventful. No lives to be saved today. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do...No matter how hard you try.

Spark 'em now...Apologize later

Now in mine line of work there are two types of people. Sick people and NOT sick people. You normally can just look at someone and tell. Shit, this patient is S-I-C-K. Their skin color is off, they are sweaty, maybe weak or dizzy. Sometime they will just give you a vague description on how they feel. If a paramedic hears "I just don't feel good" and the patient looks like shit normally they are really sick. The patient just feels so bad that don't really want to use the energy to try and think of how to describe how they feel. Case in point...I got called to a respiratory. Now when we got there he was sitting in a van in a parking lot. Struggling to breath and diaphoretic, his skin was pale and ashen. Just pulling up and seeing him, before I even spoke to him, I knew this man is fucking sick. Something is terribly wrong. Unable to find a radial pulse we just quickly moved him into the back of the ambulance. As soon as I put him on our cardiac monitor I found out what was wrong. This guy was in VTach, a highly lethal heart rhythm. Now mind you that this man is Awake and alert. He kept telling me to lock his car door and to find his glasses. Now the treatment for this a quick, very painful intervention. I was going to have to shock this man with 200Joules of energy to get his heart to quit quivering, which is essentially what it is doing, (think of the heart as bag of worms, just worming around) And because this man had no obtainable blood pressure I was going to have to do this without the aid of sedation. So as my partner was on the radio with the MDs at the ER I was preparing this old man for pain he has never experienced in his life. As I slide and IV into his arm I tell him "What we have to do to help you is going to be very, very painful, but it will only last a second and you are very sick. Your heart is not working like it should"
He responds with "I know...I have bad heart. My Doctor called it Atrial fibrillation, Please don't hurt me"
"I have to."
"no please don't hurt me"
"sir, if I don't hurt you, you will die"
As soon as I said that my partner yells "CLEAR!" hits the "shock" button. The man jumped, just like on ER, and yelps. Then turns to me and says "Did you lock my van?"
After that he was fine. His heart went back to normal and he was able to breath. His skin pinked up and dried up. My partner looked at me then hopped out and drove us to the hospital. On the way I ask my patient if he felt better. He took my hand and said "Thank You"
"Im sorry I had to hurt you"
"No...I feel much better, Thank you"
Then I thought about my mother, who is an ER nurse herself. She once told me two things :
Never let your pulse get higher than your patients...And spark em now...Apologize later.